To Wander

I got ready for Giuseppe's... made it downtown, purchased a new wine opener and server book... I got there, and they weren't expecting me. Hmm. Ok. I decided I needed a night off anyway.

So here I am, trying to keep myself from driving me crazy. There is so much indecision... so much confusion. I'm broke... educated, but broke. I'm not sure how to feel, what to do, where to be, how to live...

I suppose this is what life is all about. I've decided to hide for New Years. Last year was too much.

I'm happy and stable in life, but lost and empty. I guess I'm the walking contradiction I've thought myself to be for so long.

One of the biggest voids in my life is the disappearance of one of my best friends, Kristen. She moved to Utah, and for whatever reason couldn't keep in contact with me anymore. Something about it got too painful. She was my other half for so long... we lived together for 4 years... and now she's gone. This was the first birthday in 5 years I haven't celebrated with her... it's weird. I miss her so much, but understand why she needed to run away for a while. I just hope I find her again.