Thursday, October 05, 2006

Budge

Expressing Everyday Gratitude. That's what one of my emails was titled today. My grandfather used to say, "The Attitude is Gratitude."

Am I showing enough gratitude in my life in its present state?

The past few weeks I have been in job transition... at least in my head. I've been approached about a few intriguing projects, that seem to have some potential. I've also been negotiating for more income in my current position. The first offer was about as laughable as what I was previously being paid... the second offer is not much better. The more I fight for what I feel I deserve, the more I question my own worth.

In my heart, I know that I'm a hard working, dedicated, motivated employee... but what happens when you're working for a company in the health field that runs on a business model? They've made money on a this business model... but also in the process provided a facility to assist in changing lives for the better.

In a world where compensation is not readily offered (at least in my experience thus far) how the hell does one make a decent living? Especially when the cost of living comes pretty close to your wages?

I'm trying really hard not to judge anyone else right now. I sometimes wish I could live Ray's life... working 2 nights per week and playing 7 days per week. It's hard for me to give my all to all my clients and then come home to someone who has experienced nothing of the like all day. He keeps me sane for the most part though.

Going back to the subject of work, I almost feel as though my education, skills and experience matter very little in the grand scheme of things... I'm replaceable. BUT, I have a following. I've made a lot of people very happy in the 9 months I've been there... and that is worth thousands a month to them... even though I'm not.

Seriously, what gives?



The moon is getting fuller.

Breathe. Just breathe.

1 comment:

momma yogi said...

Baby girl - you ask a lot of good questions, to which there are answers - this first comes from your grandfather, although he struggled to live it. He got stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk, let's not let that happen to us! Another wise old soul shared the following with me the other day.... work as though you don't need the money, live as though everything you do makes a difference, and love as though you've never been hurt... It's from Frank, SJSU - env. studies teacher. He never made much more money than you do. We have so many teachers, and we are teachers as well. Feel the gratitude from those whose lives you touch, and then share it with others - that's good kharma.