Impossible to Please

It's 9:15PM, and while I'm usually asleep by now, I'm awake with a wandering mind. There are too many 'what ifs' in life. Too many forks in the road. I'm starting to wonder if I've been strong enough to choose the path best for me.

I've cut back on the amount of time spent working this week. It's putting me into the 40-50 hour range, which I think is not too shabby. Lord knows I'd love to be 'semi-retired' but I don't think I'd have the same level of fulfillment I have now. At least when I do retire, I can look back and know that I've made a difference. I used to have so much free time to write, dance, play, run, and it seems now to be obsolete.

I've started to wonder if I'm an easy person to be around... I remember a certain ex saying that it was rough due to my high expectations. I feel like I'm pretty easy going, somewhat entertaining, and I can always perform circus tricks if anyone gets bored... but really, I think I'm damn hard to please. I wonder if the problem is that I hold everyone else in my immediate circle to the level I hold myself?

I started these thoughts when a few friends questioned inviting me to a party because they didn't quite know what to feed me... and this isn't the first time my food habits were inhibiting for others. For the year that I tried the effect of meat on my body, I was accepted by the majority of people (something I wasn't used to) regarding my food choices. BUT, I felt like shit. So why would I sacrifice my own well-being to make someone else feel more comfortable about their own choice?

Let's just face it... I'm impossible to please. So am I doomed for a life alone? Will I even know it if I'm in a solid relationship? Or do I just have to meet a guy who already meets and exceeds my expectations?

I don't know why these emotions come over me... is it because I'm insecure? Is it because I'm a perfectionist? Should I just get over it?

I guess time will tell. At this point I'm ready to run. Where? Somewhere that can house a Taylor.