I've written twice since the last full moon. Twice. Writing used to be my outlet, but at the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is stare at a computer screen, or even put any energy out that doesn't directly enhance my quality of life.
I've had a hard time keeping up lately. I don't think I've had a real day off in over a month. Between pilates, wedding, pilates, Florida, birthdays, etc., I haven't seen much of myself lately.
I can't even keep my eyes open...
I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, but the crazy thing is that a lot of people continuously live life like this. Lame.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Creation
It's Tuesday. I've seen 3 clients already, and now I await my pre-noon hike. Work is great, I'm extrememely busy with my own clients and also doing admin work. I really can't complain except that more people want my time than I have time to give. I know, it's a hard life.
So I've put together, by necessity really, some stretches for peoples hips and low back. I guess I've experimented until I've found a combination that jives particularly well.
Since stretching more clients, with some manual manipulation of muscles, and even sometimes bones... people are stoked. And think about it... if I saw a trainer doing a stretch on someone who looks to be in a trance, and they get up and walk more freely, no pain... I'd pay someone on the spot too.
So I don't want to push people away... what if I train other trainers to do this sort of thing. BUT if done wrong, there's a potential for disaster.
HMMM. I think I'll just go do more yoga. That's truly where I feel best.
It feels like I'm creating a whole new realm of training.
So I've put together, by necessity really, some stretches for peoples hips and low back. I guess I've experimented until I've found a combination that jives particularly well.
Since stretching more clients, with some manual manipulation of muscles, and even sometimes bones... people are stoked. And think about it... if I saw a trainer doing a stretch on someone who looks to be in a trance, and they get up and walk more freely, no pain... I'd pay someone on the spot too.
So I don't want to push people away... what if I train other trainers to do this sort of thing. BUT if done wrong, there's a potential for disaster.
HMMM. I think I'll just go do more yoga. That's truly where I feel best.
It feels like I'm creating a whole new realm of training.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Ram Bam Thank Ya Ma'am
There's no doubt in my mind that the moon is powerful. I've written before about how odd things happen, people from the past resurface, mental states are almost taken over by the earth's energy. It's the closest to people walking around like zombies I think we ever get on earth.
Here are two interesting moon posts:
Lunatics...
The Moon Cloud...
So I ran into Joe, of course the ram from my past... strangely enough it was 7am and I'd taken a wrong turn on my way to Big Sky to pick up breakfast for Ray and I. I didn't recognize him at first, but then stopped to say hi and meet his dog. I went into Big Sky, and 2 minutes later, he walked in after me. Weird. One of the servers still thought we were together, as she packed coffeecake in the same bag for us. Comedy.
This moon is a Taurus moon, or the moon of the ram. People for almost 5 days this time have literally been ramming into each other. At work, twice in one hour, two different people tried to steal a machine I was leaning on with a client... I'm talking setting down their towels and all, not asking. It's never happened like that once, but twice... in the same day?!
Ray and I saw a woman back into another lady at New Frontiers today, I pointed at her and screamed before it happened and she looked at me like I was crazy. Little did she know, she was on moon crack. We heard right after that that 2 minutes before, another accident happened in the same spot.
Whatever it is, there is strange, crazy energy in the world this week. Ram moon, harvest moon, start of Fall, whatever it may be, people are crazy!
I myself had a pretty insane weekend. I was overwhelmed with emotion and anxiety. I blamed it on 3+ hours Fri-Sun doing Pilates, but it was more than that. I cried for the first time in a long time, hard and uncontrollably. I thought Ray way going to freak. I'd warned him of my craziness, but he hadn't seen me like this. I also freaked out and thought there were people in my house when I was home alone.
Day after day, it just gets more twisted. I mean, I know Taurus' are intense, but who knew their moon would send waves crashing?
Here are two interesting moon posts:
Lunatics...
The Moon Cloud...
So I ran into Joe, of course the ram from my past... strangely enough it was 7am and I'd taken a wrong turn on my way to Big Sky to pick up breakfast for Ray and I. I didn't recognize him at first, but then stopped to say hi and meet his dog. I went into Big Sky, and 2 minutes later, he walked in after me. Weird. One of the servers still thought we were together, as she packed coffeecake in the same bag for us. Comedy.
This moon is a Taurus moon, or the moon of the ram. People for almost 5 days this time have literally been ramming into each other. At work, twice in one hour, two different people tried to steal a machine I was leaning on with a client... I'm talking setting down their towels and all, not asking. It's never happened like that once, but twice... in the same day?!
Ray and I saw a woman back into another lady at New Frontiers today, I pointed at her and screamed before it happened and she looked at me like I was crazy. Little did she know, she was on moon crack. We heard right after that that 2 minutes before, another accident happened in the same spot.
Whatever it is, there is strange, crazy energy in the world this week. Ram moon, harvest moon, start of Fall, whatever it may be, people are crazy!
I myself had a pretty insane weekend. I was overwhelmed with emotion and anxiety. I blamed it on 3+ hours Fri-Sun doing Pilates, but it was more than that. I cried for the first time in a long time, hard and uncontrollably. I thought Ray way going to freak. I'd warned him of my craziness, but he hadn't seen me like this. I also freaked out and thought there were people in my house when I was home alone.
Day after day, it just gets more twisted. I mean, I know Taurus' are intense, but who knew their moon would send waves crashing?
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Budge
Expressing Everyday Gratitude. That's what one of my emails was titled today. My grandfather used to say, "The Attitude is Gratitude."
Am I showing enough gratitude in my life in its present state?
The past few weeks I have been in job transition... at least in my head. I've been approached about a few intriguing projects, that seem to have some potential. I've also been negotiating for more income in my current position. The first offer was about as laughable as what I was previously being paid... the second offer is not much better. The more I fight for what I feel I deserve, the more I question my own worth.
In my heart, I know that I'm a hard working, dedicated, motivated employee... but what happens when you're working for a company in the health field that runs on a business model? They've made money on a this business model... but also in the process provided a facility to assist in changing lives for the better.
In a world where compensation is not readily offered (at least in my experience thus far) how the hell does one make a decent living? Especially when the cost of living comes pretty close to your wages?
I'm trying really hard not to judge anyone else right now. I sometimes wish I could live Ray's life... working 2 nights per week and playing 7 days per week. It's hard for me to give my all to all my clients and then come home to someone who has experienced nothing of the like all day. He keeps me sane for the most part though.
Going back to the subject of work, I almost feel as though my education, skills and experience matter very little in the grand scheme of things... I'm replaceable. BUT, I have a following. I've made a lot of people very happy in the 9 months I've been there... and that is worth thousands a month to them... even though I'm not.
Seriously, what gives?
The moon is getting fuller.
Breathe. Just breathe.
Am I showing enough gratitude in my life in its present state?
The past few weeks I have been in job transition... at least in my head. I've been approached about a few intriguing projects, that seem to have some potential. I've also been negotiating for more income in my current position. The first offer was about as laughable as what I was previously being paid... the second offer is not much better. The more I fight for what I feel I deserve, the more I question my own worth.
In my heart, I know that I'm a hard working, dedicated, motivated employee... but what happens when you're working for a company in the health field that runs on a business model? They've made money on a this business model... but also in the process provided a facility to assist in changing lives for the better.
In a world where compensation is not readily offered (at least in my experience thus far) how the hell does one make a decent living? Especially when the cost of living comes pretty close to your wages?
I'm trying really hard not to judge anyone else right now. I sometimes wish I could live Ray's life... working 2 nights per week and playing 7 days per week. It's hard for me to give my all to all my clients and then come home to someone who has experienced nothing of the like all day. He keeps me sane for the most part though.
Going back to the subject of work, I almost feel as though my education, skills and experience matter very little in the grand scheme of things... I'm replaceable. BUT, I have a following. I've made a lot of people very happy in the 9 months I've been there... and that is worth thousands a month to them... even though I'm not.
Seriously, what gives?
The moon is getting fuller.
Breathe. Just breathe.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Float
This weekend was perfect... lots of sleep, yoga, pilates, yoga, surfing, more sleep. I took a long hiatus from surfing, and looking back I can't really figure out why. Surfing has never been my forte, but I've always enjoyed it. There's something about dunking into the ocean that nothing else can replace. I won't let the ocean intimidate me forever.
There seems to be a transition coming in my life, and I can't help but to feel a slight depression about making this choice. My life has been good... so why would I risk changing it? Or does reaching beyond my comfort zone help me to grow in a new light?
I've been walking around on the verge of tears for a few days now, but have been unable to let them flow, perhaps because I don't understand why they want to.
Ray has been wonderful lately... always happy and supportive. It takes one hell of a man to keep me a float. He's not someone who looks good on paper... he hasn't spent his life making those kinds of accomplishments, but he lives life everyday just as he wishes... and for that I adore him.
We laid in the park yesterday and ate lunch. I had just done 6 hours of pilates, he'd just surfed. Tay played ball pretty hard... I stretched Ray's hamstrings and shoulders and played with a few handstands. Everything was as it should have been.
Life is floating by, and I'm ready for the next challenge.
Oh good news, my hips are finally opening a bit! A little more each day... inch by inch, or rather millimeter by millimeter.
There seems to be a transition coming in my life, and I can't help but to feel a slight depression about making this choice. My life has been good... so why would I risk changing it? Or does reaching beyond my comfort zone help me to grow in a new light?
I've been walking around on the verge of tears for a few days now, but have been unable to let them flow, perhaps because I don't understand why they want to.
Ray has been wonderful lately... always happy and supportive. It takes one hell of a man to keep me a float. He's not someone who looks good on paper... he hasn't spent his life making those kinds of accomplishments, but he lives life everyday just as he wishes... and for that I adore him.
We laid in the park yesterday and ate lunch. I had just done 6 hours of pilates, he'd just surfed. Tay played ball pretty hard... I stretched Ray's hamstrings and shoulders and played with a few handstands. Everything was as it should have been.
Life is floating by, and I'm ready for the next challenge.
Oh good news, my hips are finally opening a bit! A little more each day... inch by inch, or rather millimeter by millimeter.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
If all days glowed so bright...
I remember the days in the grass. Stretching, reading, eating burritos. We'd park ourselves for as long as time would permit, and reluctantly move on when the time came. I could have stayed on that grass forever... but it wasn't good for me.
I remember the days in your bed. I felt like there would be no other for me... I was done looking for love; I'd found my one and only. When you'd steal the covers, I'd simply move closer to your body. I could have stayed in your bed forever... but it grew too cold.
I remember your lips. I'd stare at them and wait for the opportunity to share in their beauty. I could have kissed those lips forever... but your eyes remained on the past.
I remember writing to you. We shared secretive feelings that were swallowed for years, not knowing they were in fact reciprocated. Merely a few words could bring me to tears. I could have read your words forever... but they weren't reality.
"Little oh blue jay, whistle me something, I'd like to hear...
I'm opening up my door, I'm letting down my guard, honey I'll let you love me but its gonna be hard.
But ain't that what we're here for? It's like I've always known.
Its magical to think about, and to realize I've grown.
Oh in dreams , colored roses..."
I remember the days in your bed. I felt like there would be no other for me... I was done looking for love; I'd found my one and only. When you'd steal the covers, I'd simply move closer to your body. I could have stayed in your bed forever... but it grew too cold.
I remember your lips. I'd stare at them and wait for the opportunity to share in their beauty. I could have kissed those lips forever... but your eyes remained on the past.
I remember writing to you. We shared secretive feelings that were swallowed for years, not knowing they were in fact reciprocated. Merely a few words could bring me to tears. I could have read your words forever... but they weren't reality.
"Little oh blue jay, whistle me something, I'd like to hear...
I'm opening up my door, I'm letting down my guard, honey I'll let you love me but its gonna be hard.
But ain't that what we're here for? It's like I've always known.
Its magical to think about, and to realize I've grown.
Oh in dreams , colored roses..."
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Itch the Bitch
Life is good.
Since coming back from Pinecrest, certain things have become clear. I've realized the importance of yoga, reading, sunbathing, and also Ray.
He's been my best friend for just over a year, and everyone knows I never thought I'd date another bartender. I avoided it for as long as I possibly could, but I soon realized that I saw him every single day, for a good portion of each day. It was easy, well it still is. We have everything in common... friends, sports, our love for Tay.
I worked all day yesterday, saw Ray for about an hour before he went off to work. This is his first week back to work, and trying times have arrived. He arrived on Murray Street at 4AM after his shift with entertaining stories that lasted just long enough to wake me up and start him snoring. I tried the couch... too cold. I came back to bed, and just when I fell asleep, it was time to rise again. He had intentions of painting, cleaning, exercising, etc. today, but when I called at 3, he and Tay were spooning with nothing on their day's resume.
Why I had dinner waiting when he arrived with Tay is beside me.
It's all his choice. I'm not one to pressure anyone into anything, but all I can do is choose what's right for me. I don't want him to feel like he's disappointing me, because if this is who he is... then that's the reality. In that case, it may only be a matter of time before the reality becomes motivating enough to do something about. He really is wonderful, I'm merely frustrated by the night terrors of alcohol... and we're not even talking about all the college boobs in his face all night.
Hmmm... apparently I had some bitching to do.
On a more constructive note, work is going really well. I'm actually making a good living, for San Luis anyway. I still have quite a few people interested in buying prints, but haven't gotten my shit together enough to sell. It's the framing that's so expensive and tricky. Once that's set, maybe I can make money that way too!
Well, it's time to do the dishes from dinner and walk Tay. Ray went to soccer practice, and I'm hoping his endorphins will rub off on me afterwards.
Oh, in exciting news, one of my clients, Joel has broken the 300lb barrier. He started at about 385 in just about January, and today he weighed in at 296!!! Every day he inspires me... I can't wait to see his body thin :O)
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Lost Cause
Today has been by far the strangest day in many moons. I woke up at 6:20 for my client at 6:30... not nearly enough time to think. I was only 5 minutes late, and seeing as it was my big shot lawyer, I felt pretty bad. Shit happens.
So I go about my day, probably about 7 clients in total today, not a bad schedule. The thing about today is that I am totally disconnected. I don't know what the hell has probed this, but I'm running into things, dropping everything, forgetting appointments... hmmph.
So now I'm home. I finally have food in the house which feels good, but I can barely see the mounds of laundry drowning my room, and therefore my mind. There's just something about a clean room that allows my thoughts to flow free. So I guess the mission is fold, fold, fold.
Some good news... hmmm...
I'll think about it.
Until then, some pictures to entertain.
So I go about my day, probably about 7 clients in total today, not a bad schedule. The thing about today is that I am totally disconnected. I don't know what the hell has probed this, but I'm running into things, dropping everything, forgetting appointments... hmmph.
So now I'm home. I finally have food in the house which feels good, but I can barely see the mounds of laundry drowning my room, and therefore my mind. There's just something about a clean room that allows my thoughts to flow free. So I guess the mission is fold, fold, fold.
Some good news... hmmm...
I'll think about it.
Until then, some pictures to entertain.
Wandering Mind
Because life is hard.
Because life can pick you up, swallow you and shit you out before you can think once about it.
When riding the wave of life, is it ever time to fight the current?
Does flowing through life get exhausting enough to quit or fight... or die contemplating?
How do we know when we have found IT? Love, light, sanity, elation, well being... or is there always a search for more?
What if we just aim to feel?
There are questions and there are answers... do we ask enough questions to determine legitimate answers? Or do we just keep asking until something makes sense.
Some THING. Some bit of sense unlike other sensible things... what gives?
Because life can pick you up, swallow you and shit you out before you can think once about it.
When riding the wave of life, is it ever time to fight the current?
Does flowing through life get exhausting enough to quit or fight... or die contemplating?
How do we know when we have found IT? Love, light, sanity, elation, well being... or is there always a search for more?
What if we just aim to feel?
There are questions and there are answers... do we ask enough questions to determine legitimate answers? Or do we just keep asking until something makes sense.
Some THING. Some bit of sense unlike other sensible things... what gives?
The Beauty of Breath
Breathe... not because it's cool, not because someone told you it would make things easier, but because it brings life. It makes the organs glow with positive white light. It brings sanity and sanctity and everything impossible becomes suddenly obtainable. Because it will change your past, your present, your future, your SELF... breathe.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Dipshit
So I'm pretty much a dipshit. I noticed this morning at Rite Aid that I'd lost my credit/debit card. I remembered seeing it at the Cakery (quite impossible actually) and couldn't find it since. After frantically calling around, I finally tried to login to B of A online. It wouldn't log me on! So I am creating a conspiracy theory in my head. Somebody has stolen my card, closed the account and fled the country!!!
So, I call the bank... and sure enough, like a dipshit, I left the damn thing in the ATM on Monday :0) I never cease to amaze myself.
In other entertaining news, I cut Ray a mullet today... and for those of you who don't remember Billy Ray Cyrus, here is what the mullet looks like:
or check out http://www.mulletmadness.com/.
Life is funny.
So, I call the bank... and sure enough, like a dipshit, I left the damn thing in the ATM on Monday :0) I never cease to amaze myself.
In other entertaining news, I cut Ray a mullet today... and for those of you who don't remember Billy Ray Cyrus, here is what the mullet looks like:
or check out http://www.mulletmadness.com/.
Life is funny.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Fire
Yoga tonight was excellent. All day I thought about how much I had to do, and hoped that I'd be able to scurry over to Tridosha. I made it happen... I had to.
Even though now, at 8:30pm, I have 4 programs to write and 3 baskets of laundry to fold (why on earth does someone need so many clothes?) I made it.
I've been thinking quite hard about how to incorporate vacation as more of my daily routine. Vacationing just felt so good to my soul, there must be a way to do it more often... and maybe even get paid for it.
Pinecrest pictures turned out great, except for the fact that I'm a dipshit and deleted half the pictures... hopefully Ben and Larry can perform some kind of witch magic and make them reappear.
The days are dragging, and I'm longing for hammock naps and long love affairs with my book. I guess that's what dreams are for. Tonight in yoga, Alyson the instructor made the analogy of finding where the muscle burns and sitting in the fire. I guess maybe that's what I'll use to get me through life. Sit in the fire, for the future may be fruitful.
Even though now, at 8:30pm, I have 4 programs to write and 3 baskets of laundry to fold (why on earth does someone need so many clothes?) I made it.
I've been thinking quite hard about how to incorporate vacation as more of my daily routine. Vacationing just felt so good to my soul, there must be a way to do it more often... and maybe even get paid for it.
Pinecrest pictures turned out great, except for the fact that I'm a dipshit and deleted half the pictures... hopefully Ben and Larry can perform some kind of witch magic and make them reappear.
The days are dragging, and I'm longing for hammock naps and long love affairs with my book. I guess that's what dreams are for. Tonight in yoga, Alyson the instructor made the analogy of finding where the muscle burns and sitting in the fire. I guess maybe that's what I'll use to get me through life. Sit in the fire, for the future may be fruitful.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Wishing for Simplicity
Writing hasn't been a priority and I think this is why I'm getting grumpy. It's Friday, the Friday of my first week back to work. Hanging out in the wilderness was so cleansing, so rejuvenating, so good for my soul...
I try to incorporate all of these things in my everyday life each year after Pinecrest. Unfortunately, I was greeted by flashing lights, annoying music, gym rats, and tons of work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I've actually been making enough money to live off of! But, I miss the serenity of Pinecrest. I miss being able to sleep when I needed sleep, exercise when need be, and jump in a lake when the world is too hot or too overwhelming.
So, here I sit, in my house, sun setting... I have a good life. But, today, I let stress overcome me. I woke up frantic and late, made it to work for my 6am appointment, and back in bed by 7:15. I've created this idiotic cycle. I wake up after not getting enough sleep, so I nap mid morning. Well then when evening comes, I'm not tired because I've napped, therefore the cycle continues.
Chris brought home a puppy today; he's puppy-sitting... which is ok, but adding to my stress and anxiety. I just need to breathe. Inhale... exhale... but even that seems to complex for a night like tonight.
The good news is that I've committed to yoga again, and that feels great.
I try to incorporate all of these things in my everyday life each year after Pinecrest. Unfortunately, I was greeted by flashing lights, annoying music, gym rats, and tons of work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I've actually been making enough money to live off of! But, I miss the serenity of Pinecrest. I miss being able to sleep when I needed sleep, exercise when need be, and jump in a lake when the world is too hot or too overwhelming.
So, here I sit, in my house, sun setting... I have a good life. But, today, I let stress overcome me. I woke up frantic and late, made it to work for my 6am appointment, and back in bed by 7:15. I've created this idiotic cycle. I wake up after not getting enough sleep, so I nap mid morning. Well then when evening comes, I'm not tired because I've napped, therefore the cycle continues.
Chris brought home a puppy today; he's puppy-sitting... which is ok, but adding to my stress and anxiety. I just need to breathe. Inhale... exhale... but even that seems to complex for a night like tonight.
The good news is that I've committed to yoga again, and that feels great.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Family Fun Time!!!
Now is the day to pack. It's 10:19, I'm sitting in my robe... waiting to find my energy to get up and go.
Here may be a peak at what's to expect from the family :O)
(Tahoe, Sweden, and some reoccurring nightmare...)
Here may be a peak at what's to expect from the family :O)
(Tahoe, Sweden, and some reoccurring nightmare...)
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Almost There!
3 days until Pinecrest!!! All year we anticipate, we plan, we prepare mentally and physically, we dream... and finally, it's almost time.
My clients this morning cancelled, which coincidentally gave me enough time to do laundry, workout and prepare myself for the next two weeks. I can't wait. I'm pretty much jittery with excitement.
Ray came home, not sure if I wrote about that yet. I can't believe how much I missed him... a month is a long time to not have your best bud around. So now two out of three are back in the country. Chris, back from Costa Rica, Ray is back from Mexico, but Betsy is still in Bermuda.
So today I am watering plants, listening to Etta James... just kind of floating around the house. Luckily this place stays pretty cool during the day.
Sandy and Dave move this weekend to the Bay Area, which is going to be weird. Sandy has been in my life since the days of Dan and Dave, Cyrus and Rufus. We've grown so much together and helped support eachother through many tough times. At least they'll be close to my family up there.
So, nothing really intelligent to write today... my mind is on vacation mode. Here's a picture of me and Tay when we travel :)
My clients this morning cancelled, which coincidentally gave me enough time to do laundry, workout and prepare myself for the next two weeks. I can't wait. I'm pretty much jittery with excitement.
Ray came home, not sure if I wrote about that yet. I can't believe how much I missed him... a month is a long time to not have your best bud around. So now two out of three are back in the country. Chris, back from Costa Rica, Ray is back from Mexico, but Betsy is still in Bermuda.
So today I am watering plants, listening to Etta James... just kind of floating around the house. Luckily this place stays pretty cool during the day.
Sandy and Dave move this weekend to the Bay Area, which is going to be weird. Sandy has been in my life since the days of Dan and Dave, Cyrus and Rufus. We've grown so much together and helped support eachother through many tough times. At least they'll be close to my family up there.
So, nothing really intelligent to write today... my mind is on vacation mode. Here's a picture of me and Tay when we travel :)
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Soon Soon
I read 72 tonight, for the first time in a long time. D is in love. His words flow eloquently, as if he were writing the novel of his life.
I knew I could never be this woman to him, nor he that man to me, but it's still creepy. Most of me is just glad he gets to experience all that he is. Maybe all he needed was to break free of San Luis and its memories, restrictions, and one night stands turned sour.
I feel like for the past few years I've been looking at him knowing very well that this is who he could be, but it was too complicated... and we were just too good as friends.
All I know is that he's happy, and therefore so am I. I don't know that I need to meet her yet, and of this I think he's aware. Thank you for that D.
I knew I could never be this woman to him, nor he that man to me, but it's still creepy. Most of me is just glad he gets to experience all that he is. Maybe all he needed was to break free of San Luis and its memories, restrictions, and one night stands turned sour.
I feel like for the past few years I've been looking at him knowing very well that this is who he could be, but it was too complicated... and we were just too good as friends.
All I know is that he's happy, and therefore so am I. I don't know that I need to meet her yet, and of this I think he's aware. Thank you for that D.
One Week
I willed something to happen the other day. I didn't even realize that I'd done it until I remembered a few days later.
It was a Sunday, I had the day off. I was cleaning, doing laundry, watering plants and such... when I stopped to think about a person who I didn't feel like I was done with. I put my intention into that relationship... I made a conscious effort to make my presence known in his world. I spent time nurturing the things that reminded me of him.
Two days later, he calls. I hadn't talked to him in quite some time.
I know how connected the universe is, and if we only stop briefly to recognize it, we can learn and gain so much.
Anyway...
I finally have internet at home!!! This means all ya'll that are waiting on pictures from me are more likely to receive now. This also means I can blog more and write more newsletters (no, I haven't given that up).
I haven't decided which email to use anymore. My new gmail is too long, but I'm liking gmail... but with my new internet connection, I have sbc email again too.
Maybe I will start a new gmail with a shorter name, but then there are 3 to remember, or perhaps just forward them on... I'm thinking too hard about it.
I got nothing done this weekend. From Friday night to tonight (Sunday) I didn't get a free waking moment. Well, I guess I will have to find rest on a daily basis somewhere.
Pinecrest countdown: 1 week.
Time for sleep.
It was a Sunday, I had the day off. I was cleaning, doing laundry, watering plants and such... when I stopped to think about a person who I didn't feel like I was done with. I put my intention into that relationship... I made a conscious effort to make my presence known in his world. I spent time nurturing the things that reminded me of him.
Two days later, he calls. I hadn't talked to him in quite some time.
I know how connected the universe is, and if we only stop briefly to recognize it, we can learn and gain so much.
Anyway...
I finally have internet at home!!! This means all ya'll that are waiting on pictures from me are more likely to receive now. This also means I can blog more and write more newsletters (no, I haven't given that up).
I haven't decided which email to use anymore. My new gmail is too long, but I'm liking gmail... but with my new internet connection, I have sbc email again too.
Maybe I will start a new gmail with a shorter name, but then there are 3 to remember, or perhaps just forward them on... I'm thinking too hard about it.
I got nothing done this weekend. From Friday night to tonight (Sunday) I didn't get a free waking moment. Well, I guess I will have to find rest on a daily basis somewhere.
Pinecrest countdown: 1 week.
Time for sleep.
Adaptation
July 1, 2006
I knew that these past few weeks would teach me a lot about life…but I have learned and experienced more than I’d hoped and imagined.
Living without my possessions has been a gift. I have learned that what I actually need in life is very little; I only need a roof over my head, food, and a place to sleep. Now, my experience was far from bare essentials, but still I’ve learned a lot.
Not knowing where things are is huge… and learning that we don’t need our things, much less any things to survive life, nor to be happy in life. Now my reality is much more privileged than that of most, but it was still a fantastic exercise in abundance. I have beautiful things, but what does it matter if one has beautiful things, if we can’t go out and enjoy life?
My studio in Los Osos was perfect. I spent literally months making it a beautiful specimen inside and out, from the smallest to the largest detail… but what I’ve realized is that it becomes almost too much effort to maintain it’s existence. I would go home because I needed to clean, I wouldn’t go into town because I felt I didn’t have a handle on the cleanliness of the place, but what I needed to realize was that life was passing me by while I was obsessing about my home. Yes—a home is a sacred place… but all it really needs to be is a place to sleep and invite friends to enjoy too.
I’ve got a very new outlook on my new house with Chris… simplicity. We have amazing things, which means we should need very little. I didn’t even try to manipulate what he bought for our bathroom at Bed Bath and Beyond today… because really, I don’t care. I have all that I need to survive. My bed, some clothes, and Tay.
Ray is gone for a month. It’s been 2 days. I miss him already, but this is good for me. He’ll get fantastic surf with his two girls for a month, and I’ll fall into work and my body for a while.
I’ve discovered the key to losing weight. Eat light, feel light, be light. That’s that. If the body feels like it needs something heavy, ask it, why? To create a shield? To keep people out? To avoid love?
I’m sleeping tonight at Ray’s because the house today wasn’t ready for us to move into. With a single comforter, Tay on the floor, Guy on the Couch on the couch, and Vic and Ray gone, I will sleep peacefully.
This experience has taught me to be adaptable to my situation in life.
I knew that these past few weeks would teach me a lot about life…but I have learned and experienced more than I’d hoped and imagined.
Living without my possessions has been a gift. I have learned that what I actually need in life is very little; I only need a roof over my head, food, and a place to sleep. Now, my experience was far from bare essentials, but still I’ve learned a lot.
Not knowing where things are is huge… and learning that we don’t need our things, much less any things to survive life, nor to be happy in life. Now my reality is much more privileged than that of most, but it was still a fantastic exercise in abundance. I have beautiful things, but what does it matter if one has beautiful things, if we can’t go out and enjoy life?
My studio in Los Osos was perfect. I spent literally months making it a beautiful specimen inside and out, from the smallest to the largest detail… but what I’ve realized is that it becomes almost too much effort to maintain it’s existence. I would go home because I needed to clean, I wouldn’t go into town because I felt I didn’t have a handle on the cleanliness of the place, but what I needed to realize was that life was passing me by while I was obsessing about my home. Yes—a home is a sacred place… but all it really needs to be is a place to sleep and invite friends to enjoy too.
I’ve got a very new outlook on my new house with Chris… simplicity. We have amazing things, which means we should need very little. I didn’t even try to manipulate what he bought for our bathroom at Bed Bath and Beyond today… because really, I don’t care. I have all that I need to survive. My bed, some clothes, and Tay.
Ray is gone for a month. It’s been 2 days. I miss him already, but this is good for me. He’ll get fantastic surf with his two girls for a month, and I’ll fall into work and my body for a while.
I’ve discovered the key to losing weight. Eat light, feel light, be light. That’s that. If the body feels like it needs something heavy, ask it, why? To create a shield? To keep people out? To avoid love?
I’m sleeping tonight at Ray’s because the house today wasn’t ready for us to move into. With a single comforter, Tay on the floor, Guy on the Couch on the couch, and Vic and Ray gone, I will sleep peacefully.
This experience has taught me to be adaptable to my situation in life.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Bubble Town
Once again, it's been too long... I miss writing. There are a few posts which I wrote at home on my internet-less computer, which I will post at a later time. I started writing another newsletter as well.
My fascination lately has been with gym-goers. It is so amazing to me how many different kinds of people go to gyms, and even more amazing what routines they maintain. I will share some inspirational stories and characters at another time.
I've been talking about writing a book for a while, and I think this may be the time in my life to at least start it... even if nobody but my mom buys it, what an accomplishment! It's just an amazing place to live with such an interesting dynamic among its inhabitants.
So Ray has been in Mexico since late last month. I've heard from him twice, but life is different without him in my daily routine. This break has been good for me to find some clarity in that situation in particular, but also other situations. Chris is in Costa Rica for 2 weeks, leaving just Tay and I in the new home. It's coming along pretty well, but still SO much work to do!!!
Work is going well, I love my clients... and they're rockin' it! I've been kicking my own butt as well, which absolutly feels great. Anyway, back to work, just thought I'd check in.
Oh--pretty pictures of this last full moon coming too.
My fascination lately has been with gym-goers. It is so amazing to me how many different kinds of people go to gyms, and even more amazing what routines they maintain. I will share some inspirational stories and characters at another time.
I've been talking about writing a book for a while, and I think this may be the time in my life to at least start it... even if nobody but my mom buys it, what an accomplishment! It's just an amazing place to live with such an interesting dynamic among its inhabitants.
So Ray has been in Mexico since late last month. I've heard from him twice, but life is different without him in my daily routine. This break has been good for me to find some clarity in that situation in particular, but also other situations. Chris is in Costa Rica for 2 weeks, leaving just Tay and I in the new home. It's coming along pretty well, but still SO much work to do!!!
Work is going well, I love my clients... and they're rockin' it! I've been kicking my own butt as well, which absolutly feels great. Anyway, back to work, just thought I'd check in.
Oh--pretty pictures of this last full moon coming too.
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