Alone

Life continues to evolve. I'm now twenty five... have three jobs, no car, no T.V., four bikes, and a great life.

I live to love, and love to live... but when I have nobody to love, the wheels in my head and heart spin, like tires stuck in sand.

I should be happy alone. I should be just fine alone. I hate being alone right now. I long for someone to hold me, to watch the moon cycle and dream with me. My fingers wish to scratch my lovers back in the morning light.

I should be happy alone.

My life is scheduled by the hour, every hour... I am booked up over a month in advance. Not that being in high demand is a problem, but I find myself neglecting to put energy back into my tank.

Each hour is dedicated to a person or a group of people and their well being. I DO take care of myself... I eat very well, exercise a ton, and feel good in my skin... but I don't have enough time for massage, for dance, for my own yoga, for my errands. I guess I just don't have enough time.

I should be happy to be busy.

I understand why people numb themselves with drugs and alcohol... because even when life is beautiful, it's completely overwhelming.

Breathe.

Even when your own father disregards your twenty fifth birthday, just breathe.

I am stronger for the challenges in my life.

I am thankful for the challenges in my life.

I am alone. I am challenged alone. I am happy alone.

I will not numb my alone time, but rather embrace the silent beauty when my bed feels all too big for just one.