Home Ruminations

It's the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and I'm cozy on my parent's couch awaiting my turn on the massage table. Tofurky Day itself was a blast. 3 days of cooking (mostly by my mom) culminated in a glorious vegan feast. Stuffed roasted pumkins with polenta and some fancy sauce, potatoes-sweet and garlic varietals, sparkling Kombucha in champagne glasses... blanched brussel sprout, leek and pecan salad. Oh, everything was divine. Topped off by vegan chocolate ganache with soy dream ice cream.

What a fantastic meal it was... and has continued to be. We reheated the goji berry and butternut squash cornbread stuffing a few times, along with winter squash and lentil parsnip soups.

The house was filled with love and acceptance. We danced, played, laughed, smiled... what a treat it was to have the extended family back together again. NREFMs (Non Related Extended Family Members) make up the majority of our parties... and although none of the individuals who come have much other local family, this family is the solid foundation which we all stand upon.

I'm not alone... that's what I need to keep in my head. I'm not alone.

The musician has reappeared, and has made a strong comeback. We've been working on strengthening our friendship before complicating matters further... until temptation presents itself. I feel like I've found myself in a whirlwind of fallen expectations in a relationship without expectations... and I don't know quite what to do with myself, except retreat. The stakes with him are too high.

Ray delivered Taylor and I to my parents house on Thursday... and I couldn't have been more glad to share in his company. He was heading to see some family and then to his new girl's parent's house for a few days. The beautiful thing about Ray and I is that we love each other so much, we know that we're connected forever, and anyone new knows that's a prerequisite to becoming involved. I'm not sure how she feels about me, or the joint custody we share of Taylor, but I know how Ray feels... unconditional love... that's what it's all about.

It's hard to get my head straight sometimes. In a life where I'm the healer, the teacher, the guru so to speak for the majority of time... I need to be very careful about the relationships I have in my life, and those who I allow in my inner circle. One toxic relationship is one too many for me, and only the strongest survive in my world... although I will accept people for who they are, I can't save everyone... only myself.

So as I fold my laundry, pack my bags, and await my massage, I will start saving myself... start mentally cutting ties and shifting my energy from the non-reciprocal into the reciprocal unconditional.

Now, something to make us all smile from this weekend...