Rinse & Repeat

When I was hiking with the puppy and Hana a few days ago, he got pretty spooked by the cow herd we were walking through. Against his will, I tried to force him to walk, but he was too paralyzed by fear. So, I picked him up and carried him. This is Katie's 45 lb chocolate lab puppy, Dexter. I took note of his actions after our pack passed their herd. His hair was standing up straight, clearly a reaction from his surroundings, and then he shook it all off from head to tail... and afterwards was just fine.

I just went for my first distance swim in probably 8 months. I've been wearing myself out and then going to swim just to stretch out, but today swimming was my sport. I did the Sandra D. workout consisting of 200 pull, 200 kick, 200 swim, rinse, repeat. I went through just about 3 times, rounding out my workout at 1700 meters, just over a mile. It felt great; such a high... I was finally free.

I've somehow created body-image-based social swimming anxiety, BIBSSA we'll call it. I just made that up, but I've decided to ditch it... and also have shaken off my encounter yesterday. It's all for the best; we are both in better places now. I came to one other realization while swimming, well a couple more:

1. rinsed off Mr. Bar and Andy's PDAs
2. set new intentions for a vegetable based and dairy free diet, and will start juicing again
3. to look at things more positively than negatively, focus on optimism, keep a smile on my face!
4. to swim for exercise, regardless of how I feel I look
5. to be prosperous!

I've been thinking lately of the perceptions of my father, not Larry, but my biological father. His attitude was always half empty, he's always trying to do something, never really achieving... and I fear that my perceptions are similar. I say was because I don't know him anymore, and he doesn't know me. I feel sometimes I put so much positivity out in the universe for work, when I get home, The Musician and Tay get the decompressing version of me.

I love The Musician... with my entire being; he's an amazing man. I hope my neurotic processing doesn't scare him away... but I think his processing isn't unlike my own.