Vino Vino

Everything is tense... my shoulders, my legs, my head.

I'm started drinking a bottle of 'Big House Red' at about 1pm today. I was supposed to be at work at 2, but got my shift covered. Getting paid 8 bucks/hour didn't seem too enticing today... not with what's all in my head.

The gas was shut off again today. I found out when The Landlord's brother was standing right there. I cursed a bit, then appologized... it was in fact his brother.

Mira moved out yesterday... I am incredibly bummed. On top of that, Chris is in Washington for 5 days. I am alone, here, in this beautiful studio... tampered by the thoughts that in two weeks, I will be homeless.

I put so much into this spot on earth. Made each wall the perfect color, made each nook shed the most beautiful light into the rest of the room. All of this I will leave behind.

I am getting tired. Tired of uncertainty, tired of the odd hours, tired of not sleeping until at least 6am, tired of dust settling too soon after cleaning. I know my will is strong, but there are so many little things that have gotten under my skin. I try so hard to stay positive, and to the outside world, I am. But inside I'm swirling down a rabbit hole, so confused by what is, and even more by what isn't.

So, today I will clean, and hopefully brush some of this uncertainty away. Being frustrated isn't going to help anything. The more I think of it, the more moving away has a seductive scent.