Unlocking the Joints and the Spirit

I've found a new way to make people smile.

I have exercised my entire life, thanks to the positive influences of my mom and soccer. I've found so many different endorphin highs and ways to exhaust my body and mind, fueling the soul. I took a dance class based on the work of Gabrielle Roth last year at Omega in Rhinebeck, NY. We were in a beautiful sun lit room with great energy. What I experienced in that room was something I knew I'd have to find again. It was not only a great workout... lots of sweat, but it made me smile, it broke social barriers, it broke down inhibitions without alcohol. I was free to let my body express what it wanted to.

I feel like our bodies get stuck in certain positions. How do we unlock them? First we bring blood to the area which is aka circulation. Joint circles and yoga are what I've found to work the best. From then on, it is just retraining the musculature as to not create the same inbalances again.

There is something to be said about play. In my core classes, we play a bit. This is when I see my students smile and laugh. They are present in their bodies. They aren't judging themselves or others.

So last night I went to a class called Nia. It was amazing. The music was Riverdance-ish. The other students were open and nonjudgemental. After an hour of that class, I was stoked. My soul was glowing. Nothing could have brought me down. So how do we create this in our everyday life? This feeling of freedom and grace... of a judgement free world? Of empowerment and strength?

I haven't figured it out yet... but when I do, I will share. I'm still glowing.

To be able to move about and express freely is to be alive.

Addictions

Everyone has addictions. Whether it's endorphins, drugs, sugar, caffeine... we've all got them. I've written so much about sugar, HFCS, and the cycles they throw our body into. Without being conscious of it, I was stuck in a few cycles.

The sugar cycle. To break food cycles, the three day rule generally applies. If you can make it past 3 days, your body is in the clear. Today is day three. The first day I had one piece of chocolate... these cravings hit hard! It usually hits me after a meal when I am digesting and lethargic.

Day two I treated myself to a pedicure for all the hard work I'd put my feet through lately. As I was walking out the door, I snagged two sugar candies... they hit the tongue before I got to my car. Damn! I am supposed to have will power! The first furniture store I went to had the same damn candies! Two more down. Ok, the sugar rush started to hit me. Luckily lunch was near. After 8 more furniture stores, a lot of overpriced used crap and a few good laughs, a good sushi fix led me to forget about my sweet tooth.

Today I am in the sugar clear. A few strawberries with my protein shake in the morning, but that's it! Today I break the cycle.

Caffeine is out... that was as simple as switching to Yogi Detox Tea instead of my Yogi Green Tea. Same great fortune on my tea tag... not much of an immediate energy difference.

Salt. After the 1/2 marathon last weekend, I feel like I ingested salt. I felt like I needed so much! I ended up taking in much more than I needed and bloated up like a balloon. Fun.

Today I cleanse. A few days of Detox tea has led me to feel much better. Today I stretch out my body with some asanas.

Trek to the Sea

Today I ran 13.1 miles in the City to Sea 1/2 marathon. I almost decided not to run it due to the 70 dollar race entry fee. Quite the monstrosity! But... my fee was sponsored by a good family friend. Love her!

The first few miles were cake because I stayed with my roommate and her parents. I started to get a little antsy at about mile 5 and bolted in front. I was so excited to run my own pace, I probably jumped the gun. I had no way of judging how many miles I had run: no watch, no mile markers.

I found a few strangers to run with. The first one was a Cal Poly grad named Mason. He hadn't trained, just like myself. He moved to San Diego after getting his degree in Computer Science and Business... now, still looking for a job. He stopped for a break after a few miles. Drats!

Then I found Janelle and Maureen (who'd passed us a few miles before) at about mile 8. My next stranger was a woman named Alison. She is a mother of two who moved from Indianapolis a few years ago, met her husband, had two kids and lives in SLO. She works in Paso in a lab testing artifacts. Clearly we had some time to talk. We were both very grateful for eachother and the distraction from our legs. Alison and I finished strong. The last mile was just a little painful.

Finally, we were there. 13.1 miles, a tiny water cooler and no food in sight. About 1/2 mile downhill there was food, but I had to wait for the rest of my crew to finish. I tried to forget my hypoglycemia and just stretch. They arrived, we ate, all was right in the world.

Now, I sit here in my livingroom. My legs feel great, but my energy is low. I get up every hour or so for about 15 minutes, then back to the chair. Perhaps a nap?

Quite the accomplishment... but it's time for a full marathon.

To Supplement or Not to Supplement?

There is so much buzz about supplements today. Always someone roped into a pyramid marketing scam trying to get you to buy their product so they make money.

I think there are two types of people, or rather a continuum of people with two extremes.

Person #1: The Fast Food Junkie: they eat crap... nutrient empty foods, fried foods, sugar, refined flours, whites, excess carbs. They don't supplement.

Person # 2: The hippy: they eat whole foods; nutrient dense foods, organic produce and maybe meats. They usually supplement.

Now, why is person # 2 more likely to supplement their diet when person #1 needs it more?

It is a level of awareness about one's diet and needs first off. Secondly it is the level of commitment that a person dedicates to their own wellbeing. Usually it is all or nothing. Those who make poor food choices don't supplement, and those who make wise food choices do supplement. It should be the opposite.

Ideally, we would all get our nutrients from food. They come in the form that is easiest to absorb. When our diet lacks something essential, we supplement. When our diet lacks more than a few essentials, we should supplement more than a few essentials. For instance, vegetarian diets do not contain vitamin B12. Thus, vegetarians need to take B12. Seems simple, right?

What is your diet lacking and what does your body need?

Growth

A few years ago I bought myself a beautiful vine. It grew up along my book shelves and around my doorway.

The vine grew to be at least 15 feet long. It was amazing.

The same time my last relationship ended, the vine got root rot. Was it because I'd neglected to give it proper drainage... or did I just get too comfortable in it's routine of growing when I watered it?

I salvaged the vine, with only 4 leaves remaining. For an entire year it was only 4 leaves.

This Spring it started to grow again. There are 15 leaves now. It is in no way as strong as it once was, but it survived.

An Update on Life

It has been so long since I've last written. Life is busy, work is grueling... sleep is not consistent.

Yesterday my hammock came in the mail. I have longed for a hammock for so long and finally endulged in a great sale. I hypothesize that it's the swinging motion that we see in therapy. To my surprise, the stand didn't come with the necessary wood to be constructed. Home Depot here I come... but there's no way I can fit a ten foot piece of wood in my car. Surf rack? Besides the hammock, I also purchased two hanging chairs for the front yard. As I was putting them together this morning I knocked myself in the face with one of the wooden rods. Idiot! I never saw it coming, but now I sit here with my face throbbing. Deep breaths.

Both jobs are fun at the moment, but I'm tired. I often tell customers that working at Black Sheep is my job security. Serving fatty fried foods and cocktails makes for a promising personal training business, right? I toxify others (and myself sometimes) and then detoxify the next day.

Working downtown is completely overwhelming. It is a great time, yes. But, the amount of male attention a 22-year-old single female gets working in a bar is enormous! The bartenders are so good about making sure I'm being treated respectfully and don't hesitate to kick assholes to the curb.

I haven't practiced Ashtanga in weeks. I know I need it. I know it would make everything feel more balanced, but I can't get myself to my mat. Perhaps it's that I don't have a sacred place to practice without 1,000 distractions... or that I can't stop myself from running and get frustrated by my tight hip flexors? Today I will practice... after I run :)

I miss my Frustrating Friend, but his insults sting hard. I have to draw back upon 'Love is Letting Go of Fear' and recognize that he is too scared to love me. It could be so perfect... and I'm having a hard time walking away, but I also have to know my worth... especially because he doesn't seem to see it. The beautiful music I have listened to with him has now turned bitter sweet.

If I could only be swept off my feet like I was with Joe. I had no choice but to love him... we fell together. It's a good thing I have my boy Tay.

Pouring

When it rains, it pours!

It seems like just a month or so ago I was struggling to find consistent work. Now, it seems like work is being thrown my way.

Thank you all for reading and enjoying my dance through life. It truely is a gift to hear such positive feedback. The next newletter is coming soon... but life is busy!

Conditional People

When I was at a street fair in Sweden this May, I bought a beautiful piece of fabric with this written on it:

Strive to always do what is right--not in the eyes of others, but in your own heart.
Others' thoughts are transitory--one moment they will love you, the next they will not.
Act on what is right in your own heart, and there will be victory.

I've thought a lot about what it says, as it hangs on the wall in my livingroom. I've felt the wrath of this saying before... lost love, broken heart. 'Forever never seems to be around in the end.' I never thought I'd be relating this saying to my friends, because in my heart love is unconditional... especially between friends.

I guess it's better to know than not to know if someone will not be there to support you in struggles and in victories. For me, I can't stop loving people. If I've deemed someone a worthy person in their entirety, I can't just write them off. No, I can't burn bridges... much less blow bridges up, without spending a lot of time with that person on my mind... grieving the loss.

Does this quality of unconditional love only apply to family and the closest of friends? I hate to look at everyone with a cautious eye, but it seems to be the reality of the situation. Knowing I am an unconditional person, perhaps I need only to surround myself with the same kind. It is the worst feeling in the world thinking that you may be good enough for someone one day, and the next you are no longer worthy of even words. It justifies insecurities. I wish that upon no one.

Pacific Grove Triathlon

This weekend was the PG Triathlon. I drove up to surprise my sister for her birthday. The race was beautiful as always. It was a bit cloudy in the mornings, but cool sunny race weather. I was one of two spectators for our bunch that day, but spent most of the day wandering around myself. I ran into Laura Miller from TriCal 1st thing in the morning who snuck me a VIP pass--which allowed me to get the best camera positions. Watching four people race meant me running around for about five hours chasing times when I thought they might appear.

The announcer was loud, actually there were two and wherever I was, the sound followed. This doesn't seem like a big deal, but for a highly sensitive person like myself, I freaked out a little. So many people, so much energy, so much noise!

So... I used my VIP pass to get a free ocean front lunch. Ahhh. It was a nice breather. I was exhausted from my day of being a fan... and I wasn't even the best fan. I missed all but one finish, and passed out before any of the racers did. I don't know how I ever did these things.

It did make me think of Wildflower this year and how much fun it was. Such a badass group of supporters, great uncomplicated company from the Frustrating Friend. I do miss him... but not his complications. I do wonder if he can break his patterns in dating... and if I can do the same? I guess the world may never know.

Food: Pleasure or Purpose?

As I was running on the beach in the bay last week, doing my regular mental cleansing, a question popped to mind... do I eat for pleasure or purpose?

For years people have made fun of my diet. I've been called weird, hippy, vegan, and accused of wearing patchouli. No--I don't wear patchouli nor will I ever consider it! I don't really care what other people think of my diet, but I wonder, if I was eating more pleasurable foods, would I need less of them to satisfy me?

I suppose you'd need to understand my diet: tons of veggies, sprouted whole grains, fish, almond butter, beans, tofu... dairy is substituted most often for soy cheese and soy sour cream, lots of garlic and ginger & olive oil.

I wonder now, is it quantity or quality that satisfies more? I know I can be mentally thrilled with a piece of chocolate, but hungry for nutrient dense calories afterwards. I suppose my answer is: a balance. Many foods that repulse others are fantastic to me: eggless tofu salad, brocolli and spinach all the time, flax seed oils, sprouted spelt bread... the list continues. BUT, I know sourdough bread is delicious. I know sugar, fried food, simple carbs are delicious. I also know how I feel afterwards: bloated with a headache, but endulged.

I suppose some people are used to living with headaches. So much of the world is currently dehydrated and doesn't even know it! So if I were to tune out to my body, eat simple-refined sugars and not be able to tell the difference, perhaps I'd get more pleasure out of food?

My conclusion: food is an investment in our bodies. From the moment we consume it, to how it feels digesting and hour later, or half a day later. The pleasure may not appear right at consumption, but pleasure in the reaction of our bodies is abundant.

I guess that is what the 80-20 rule is for: eat good-for-you-foods 80% of the time, and 20% of the time--endulge.

A Life Without Structure

For five years I've longed for a life without school; a life of sleeping in, casual breakfasts, and easy times. This dream seems to be coming true, but with one catch: my productivity is stifled! A life without the structure and deadlines of school has left me floating about without direction. Of course there are little motivators here and there to keep me oriented, but no true goals.

Goal setting is something I help my clients to achieve. Deciding where someone wants to be physically is quite different than how a person wants to structure life. Maybe there is such a thing as a structure coach?

Next in line for me is more certifications! The only catch is the financial catch... yoga certifications are a few grand, cycling and pilates are at least a few hundred... and there aren't really certifications offered in my little central coast area. Time to travel, or get creative.

I've always known how much I despised structure, but have never really appreciated my reliance on it's consistency.

Tay Tay

Today I had one of the best massages to date. No offense Christa... it definately lacked the spiritual connection that your massages have, but my oh my did it feel good.

I've needed one for about a week now, but the Big Woman in the back house convinced me to wait until her arm was healed. Since I'm mildly frightened by her strong personality anyway, I opted for use of the phone book. I haven't found a consistently good therapist in the area. Some good trades, but it's like pulling teeth to get people in for workouts.

Due to my undying addiction to running and a few days of heavy lunges, my ass needed to be rubbed! Anyway, I woke up feeling like a stiff blob... and now I feel like it's all been pushed around a bit. Now, at 2:05p.m. I can start my day :)

Today is my last final at Cal Poly. An odd feeling because I've spent so much time there over the past 5 years. It's finally over. Now I can sleep all night long without worries of due dates and exams!

So much has changed since I arrived as a scared 17 year old. So many of my friends have moved on and/or hitched up.

It feels so good just to float for a while. I have the time to do the things I want to do, and think about what it is that I want from life. I'm alone, yes... but when you have the best dog in the world, are you ever really alone?

Sprouting

After a long night of work last night, a table of two sat at 9:55p.m. I was supposed to be done at 10. Blasphemy! I reluctantly told them that they could order, quickly. Of course they wanted drinks, salads, meals, blah, blah, blah. A few of my friends were sitting at the bar waiting for me to be done.

45 minutes later, I was done. One large lemonade vodka down and I was feeling much better. I hung out for a while, but knew if I stayed any longer I would be there all night. I snuck out and made it home safe. A long night of coughing (still not sick!) and I was up folding laundry before work. Today I covered a day shift. A day shift... in a bar. It was the most pathetic thing, and definately not worth it financially to even be open.

I had a moment of clarity at work today. I wrote down on a scratch piece of paper the things that were most important to me. I've now got a lot of energy to put into something, and I want to be sure it's where I want it to be. The four things: Fitness, Nutrition, Photography, Travel. Put them together and you have a personal trainer/cook/photographer to travel with!

I will find the perfect combination of these things to fit my life right now. But... it would greatly be to my benefit to enhance all of these skills before Europe. I know that I'm not a person to commit to a job full time. I sort of have lifestyle A.D.D. in a sense. I get terribly bored.

A website is next, more pictures, culinary training...

The greatest part about my life right now is time and freedom. This is something I've been looking forward to since I started college.

This is my time to sprout... with an entirely fresh creative outlook.

Blanket in the Sky

My main man and I... on the top.

Bishop's Peak

It was 5:30 a.m.

Mira woke me up before the sun this morning. We found the closest thing to clean running clothes and shoes and headed for San Luis.

The fog was so thick, we could barely see our way into town. We arrived at the bottom of the mountain. It was cold and foggy, but we knew the feeling of being on the top would be worth it.

We started jogging. What an incline Mt. Madonna is! We kept chugging along... until finally a small patch of blue could be seen past the layer of fog. About 15 feet from the top, the fog cleared. Sunshine just for us!

Mira, Taylor and I were the only three souls on the top of the fog this morning. The blanket was so thick. We could see where the valley and ocean were covered, and the "seven sisters" mountain range peaked out the top.

It was amazing. The first daylight just for us. The excitement of Mira's first trip up... and pure joy from being in my sanctuary again. It had been too long.

We descended back into the cold fog, running quickly to make it to the warm car. We drove home, got Mira off to school and I climbed back into bed after a warm shower.

What a morning... and what a day it will be.

Oh, I almost forgot the best part. I looked up... directly up. There she was. Half way on her way out... la luna bella :)

Burrito Babble

What in life makes a person happy? It seems to me that one can only find an additional level of happiness when being loved, or loving another. On a basic level, if all necessities of living are being met, you can be happy. But, life seems to matter more when another person cares about the little things in your life.

Of course there is the family's love, that is fantastic... but different.

Is there ever a good time to fall for someone? Same question... different situation: is there ever a good time to have a baby? Can we even plan these things?

Do things in life happen systematically for a purpose or... do those individuals who look for a purpose in everything choose to do things more systematically?

There are so many questions in life, if you choose to question everything. It's almost like the level of consciousness that one embodies. The more conscious you are, the deeper you are able to fall in the depths.

Enough with the babbling... I know what makes me happy: running, yoga, wine, burritos, good company, silence, chocolate, peace and love. Any combination will do.

Did I mention burritos?

The Key is 3

I have struggled with motivating others to change their health... it's my job, but very difficult. I came to the conclusion that a person will lose weight if they give up 3 things... and commit to giving up these three things as a lifestyle change:

white flour, sugar* & fried food

...with the elimination of these things and inclusion of sufficient water, I feel most people will lose weight. *this means soda too!

I noticed in my own patterns, that I feel refreshed and energized when I wake up after consuming little sugar the day before. If I have had a sugar-filled day, I wake up hung over... barely able to force myself to wake up.

The secret to losing weight, at least to me, is stabilizing one's blood sugar. If you are consuming sugar regularly, your blood sugar is spiked and then comes down hard. When blood sugar comes down hard, you crave sugary, simple carbs... it becomes a cycle. I believe it becomes an addiction.

If you can stabilize the blood sugar levels with the combination of lean protein and complex carbohydrates, meals will last a longer amount of time. This means that you will consistently eat less! Translation: you will lose weight. Not to mention the amount of fiber in complex carbohydrates will help to rid of excess fat in the body.

Feel free to email for meal suggestions or replacements for these 3 evils.

Passion

What is it that creates passion? There are certain people who's eyes you cannot help but to stare into. What is it that draws one person to another... is it merely physical attraction, or astrology, or... hormones?

And even if you do feel the passion, who's to say it's not lust? And does the other person return that magnetic feeling? Being a magnet without another magnet to stick to is trouble!

I do suppose that alcohol intake has much to do with 'passion' on occasion. Last night, I felt it. I have no idea how or why or where this guy came from... only time will tell if he is deserving of me and me of him. I do miss my Frustrating Friend. Being true to things that frustrate me means letting go of him... or redefining the relationship once again. We are so good together, but both commit-o-phobics, and in hard places right now.

It is best for me to be single right now anyway, unless a better option presents itself.

Judgements

Why do we judge eachother? Is it just because we don't feel confident in who we are... or we project our fears on to others?

Is it only when self judgement is released that true living begins?

Pinecrest, CA

One of my hands down favorite places on earth. Perhaps it's the lack of "white noise" and business around, or the gentle swing of a hammock and a good book?

Camping takes us back to the bare necessities: food, water, shelter and play. With the chaos in our everyday lives, we hardly notice that we are all the same in this sense.

What is phenomenal about this trip every year, is the connections. With about 20 or so people eating, playing, exercising, drinking together... what a great time! It's never the same 20. There are regulars in the bunch, but the 'door' is always open to those willing to make the trek.

To feel life as being so serene, so simple, so supported. Priceless.

I was swinging in the hammock in the campground one day, looking at all the rope holding it together. I found it to be such a metaphor for life. Some of the rope was broken, some held its structural integrity quite well. Hammocks are a web of support just like a family.

What a trip.

A Purpose to Suffering?

What is it about suffering that keeps so many at ease? There are choices in life that we know are better options, but we opt away from them. Do we feel more comfortable when feeling pain?

I have discovered in life that the deeper one falls, the higher they are able to go. With that perspective, suffering serves a purpose. But, how long is too long to suffer? Or rather, how long do you need to be down to spring back up, having gained a new perspective?

Everybody suffers. What we choose to do with this suffering is what separates us from the rest of humanity. Do we soak in the newly created view from below, or wait until the opportune time to revel from above?