Lacking Words

New Year's went out with a bang. I first went to dinner with Betsy at the old Giuseppe's. We sat, drank, heckled her son a little, and parted ways. I was contemplating between going home and going downtown.

A good part of me wanted to hide on account of last year and the events that occured. I made sure the ex was out of town this time. The other part of me was tired of being a hermit crab and needed a little social interaction. I met up with Vic (Ray's roommate) at about 8pm. We walked downtown to Black Sheep where I had one drink, and switched to water.

There were tons of people there to hang out with... and it was a good time for a while, but I had NO intentions of being there at midnight. I have always felt a little hunted in that place... maybe because I was a single waitress, who occasionally hung out after hours. Anyway, the vulturous stares got old fast.

As I was about to leave, I saw the Musician waiting in line outside. I went out, said hello, and came back inside. I talked to him for a few, then informed him of my escape. I don't think he believed that I would leave, alone, on this holiday. Well, I did... after I was stopped a handful of times on my way out.

I was sober at this point. It had been 5ish hours since I'd had a drink. I walked to Ray & Vic's where I took a brief nap, and ventured home. I called the Musician just to see if he needed a ride home... he did.

We had a good night, with an unexpected turn of events of course. It seems his ex has come back to him full force. He sits now in contemplation; back to the ex or on to the new? I was as supportive as I could be, given the situation. I remember, just a year ago, being in the same boat with Joe.

Perhaps it's karma? Perhaps it wasn't meant to be? Perhaps he won't go back to her? Whatever the outcome, it isn't about me. It's about him. My toughest trial will be to not personalize the outcome. It's hard to watch the first guy in a long time that I've cared about slip away... if indeed that's what he's doing.

So now, I have no words. I have nothing further to say... it's time to turn my energy inward until I hear the chilling verdict. I'll be ok, either way.