I went to Bikram this morning. I know, I know...
I was thinking last night that I just needed to sweat. During my regular yoga practice, I'm lucky if one drop of sweat cultivates. So I decided to try my 2nd Bikram class ever, I figure at 6 AM I wouldn't have time to think, I'd just do it... and I did.
Wanting to be anonymous, feeling like I was sort of walking into the lions den, I thought at 6 AM I'd blend in... to my surprise, one of my Vinyasa students was next to me after the lights switched on.
The experience was enjoyable for the most part, the teacher talked non-stop, I mean continuously. About 75% through the class, she seemed to aggravate herself or perceived the class was aggravated, and her energy shifted. Maybe I pay too close of attention. It was obvious I didn't know right from wrong, and somehow she knew my name, although I sure as hell didn't tell her!
They encourage locked knees, something I DO NOT encourage, and she'd yell at me if my knee wasn't locked out... "lock lock lock the knee!" "Pull the chin to knee, chin to knee, pull, pull pull!" I liked it, don't get me wrong, but that scene from the Wedding Planner kept coming into my head, where Adam Sandler is bitter and pissed off and turns to a stranger and says "I hate you." I kept saying that in my head...
"Lock, lock the knee!"
"I hate you."
And that was enough to make me smile inside and continue on.
Another thing was all the flipping from back to stomach, stomach to back, back to stomach, what the f*ck? And then Savasana at the end of class, the instructor leaves the room and says enjoy, and 99% of the class gets up!
I'll likely go back.
I like the sweat factor, but these Bikram instructors are nuts! I have some bones to pick with this Bikram guy.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Car, Run, Breathe
So it came through... the red volvo that is. I bought it ironically on Valentine's Day. I researched a lot, and really feel like I got a great deal on a great (affordable) car. I've already been enjoying being mobile around town. Granted in the last 3 days I've barely driven 10 miles, but still, it's the convenience of having it if I NEED it, in the dark, in the cold. I still prefer to walk and bike whenever I can.
I've spent the last 5 days or so primarily helping the musician move... paint, prep, pack, sort, trash, transplant, etc. Finally today we arrived at the finish line, almost. There are minor things to orchestrate, but nothing drastic. I've been fine helping, I enjoy it really, but today I hit my max. I needed to run, fast and far. The last few runs I've taken haven't quenched my thirst. I've been gone so much that I feel like taking Taylor is a must, but he slows after a few miles, and likes to stop and smell the flowers, really it's the pee on the flowers, but I imagine the first scenario.
So I ditched Tay and took off, running super fast. I was heading for my 9 mile loop, even though it's been over a week since I've put any miles in. I sprinted for about 1 mile and then slowed to a jog, I decided to cut it at about 6 miles and opted to attend the Yin and Flow class at Smiling Dog... a wise decision.
Lisa, the instructor and studio owner, said something that resonated with me, well many things, but this one in particular...
all exercise stresses the body.
I'm thinking that a daily yoga practice is really the cure to all ailments and imbalances. Pranayama is the golden ticket.
I've spent the last 5 days or so primarily helping the musician move... paint, prep, pack, sort, trash, transplant, etc. Finally today we arrived at the finish line, almost. There are minor things to orchestrate, but nothing drastic. I've been fine helping, I enjoy it really, but today I hit my max. I needed to run, fast and far. The last few runs I've taken haven't quenched my thirst. I've been gone so much that I feel like taking Taylor is a must, but he slows after a few miles, and likes to stop and smell the flowers, really it's the pee on the flowers, but I imagine the first scenario.
So I ditched Tay and took off, running super fast. I was heading for my 9 mile loop, even though it's been over a week since I've put any miles in. I sprinted for about 1 mile and then slowed to a jog, I decided to cut it at about 6 miles and opted to attend the Yin and Flow class at Smiling Dog... a wise decision.
Lisa, the instructor and studio owner, said something that resonated with me, well many things, but this one in particular...
all exercise stresses the body.
I'm thinking that a daily yoga practice is really the cure to all ailments and imbalances. Pranayama is the golden ticket.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
1103 part 2
Now I'm a little bit superstitious... OK maybe a lot. I got a call today from a number ending in 1103, weird seeing as I'd just written 2 days ago about that very number and it's relation to my life. In that same last blog, I'd commented on the red volvo.
Turns out the call was from the owner of that red volvo, telling me that he'd found another car for himself to purchase and was I still interested? I will make my way over there one more time, with low expectations.
Last night turned out to be quite a drunken disaster. I rarely rarely drink, with the exception of one glass of wine, or one beer maybe once a week. Well last night I was on a mission it seemed. I felt myself on shaky ground, unable to calm myself to stability.
So I did a small bit of retail therapy... new jeans will make any girl smile, and then went for dinner and drinks with Betsy. We laid on the beach in the sun today prior to the downtown trip, it was so beautiful, and continues to be so beautiful! After 2.5 very full glasses of wine, she dropped me off, and I proceeded to roam downtown. The rest is a history, some drinks, some friends, more drinks... one sick girl on unstable ground. That one gets filed in the vault.
Now is my day to pick up the pieces and put my head on straight. Teaching yoga class with a hang over is not recommended... and the owner of Smiling Dog attended class today. Luckily enough, she's the kindest of souls and is supportive and loving, even in my toxicity. I taught a good class I feel, but it took more effort than normal to get my body to move and prompt the words out of my head.
1103. Maybe I just shouldn't look into things so much... or maybe since I've detached from the idea of it, it's reappeared?
Turns out the call was from the owner of that red volvo, telling me that he'd found another car for himself to purchase and was I still interested? I will make my way over there one more time, with low expectations.
Last night turned out to be quite a drunken disaster. I rarely rarely drink, with the exception of one glass of wine, or one beer maybe once a week. Well last night I was on a mission it seemed. I felt myself on shaky ground, unable to calm myself to stability.
So I did a small bit of retail therapy... new jeans will make any girl smile, and then went for dinner and drinks with Betsy. We laid on the beach in the sun today prior to the downtown trip, it was so beautiful, and continues to be so beautiful! After 2.5 very full glasses of wine, she dropped me off, and I proceeded to roam downtown. The rest is a history, some drinks, some friends, more drinks... one sick girl on unstable ground. That one gets filed in the vault.
Now is my day to pick up the pieces and put my head on straight. Teaching yoga class with a hang over is not recommended... and the owner of Smiling Dog attended class today. Luckily enough, she's the kindest of souls and is supportive and loving, even in my toxicity. I taught a good class I feel, but it took more effort than normal to get my body to move and prompt the words out of my head.
1103. Maybe I just shouldn't look into things so much... or maybe since I've detached from the idea of it, it's reappeared?
Friday, February 08, 2008
1103
There's a house at the end of my street I look at at least once a day. The street address is 1103... which is my birthday, November 3rd. Usually when you see a street number, you simply read it or not, depending on your motives. Street numbers don't really stand out, but this house stands out to me.
1103 is on the front of the house twice, within a few feet of the other, but on separate sides of the same wall. They say the exact same thing, not unit A or #2, but simply 1103, both of them.
There are always two ways to look at things, and that thought is provoked each time I pass this small house. Is it a Comic Sans day or rather a Times New Roman day?
The lessons I'm currently working on are
1. Not harvesting too much attachment... to people, to possessions, to food...
2. Not assuming what others are thinking, or anticipating the next move. I am the only one responsible for my happiness.
I've been handing out these wisdom and thought cards at the end of class, and people read them out loud if they'd like to. It's mind therapy, after the body therapy. I learn so much from yoga, and the ever changing teachers and practices. My classes have been super sized with the opening of the new studio. The energy is just so undeniably pure and rich, people have been flocking. My class last night housed 15, and before the new opening, I had 10 max. 10-15 is now consistent :O)
The red volvo fell through. A friend of mine doesn't tell people much not to jinx it from happening, which I didn't entirely understand. When you're excited, shouldn't you share it? When I told people of the possibility of this pretty red car, I had a feeling in my gut that this would be my lesson. True to the premonition, the guy decided not to sell. He did show me a 1990 Jetta trashed by a teenager as a consolation. Too kind. He hoped I wasn't offended.
It was my own fault, because I'd already imagined the I heart Yoga sticker on my rear window.
And such is life... so it goes. Maybe that's my sign to keep riding my bike... and take the bus when it rains. Maybe, maybe not.
1103 is on the front of the house twice, within a few feet of the other, but on separate sides of the same wall. They say the exact same thing, not unit A or #2, but simply 1103, both of them.
There are always two ways to look at things, and that thought is provoked each time I pass this small house. Is it a Comic Sans day or rather a Times New Roman day?
The lessons I'm currently working on are
1. Not harvesting too much attachment... to people, to possessions, to food...
2. Not assuming what others are thinking, or anticipating the next move. I am the only one responsible for my happiness.
I've been handing out these wisdom and thought cards at the end of class, and people read them out loud if they'd like to. It's mind therapy, after the body therapy. I learn so much from yoga, and the ever changing teachers and practices. My classes have been super sized with the opening of the new studio. The energy is just so undeniably pure and rich, people have been flocking. My class last night housed 15, and before the new opening, I had 10 max. 10-15 is now consistent :O)
The red volvo fell through. A friend of mine doesn't tell people much not to jinx it from happening, which I didn't entirely understand. When you're excited, shouldn't you share it? When I told people of the possibility of this pretty red car, I had a feeling in my gut that this would be my lesson. True to the premonition, the guy decided not to sell. He did show me a 1990 Jetta trashed by a teenager as a consolation. Too kind. He hoped I wasn't offended.
It was my own fault, because I'd already imagined the I heart Yoga sticker on my rear window.
And such is life... so it goes. Maybe that's my sign to keep riding my bike... and take the bus when it rains. Maybe, maybe not.
Monday, January 28, 2008
On the Path
I signed up for health insurance today, if they accept my application that is. It's been a few months I've survived without it this go round, and anticipating the snowboarding trip to come next week, I thought maybe insurance would be nice to have just in case. I'm not convinced that I'll use it too often, but at least I'll have the option.
The rain is getting to me. After my soaking Tuesday last week, I've hesitated to spend much time outside in this weather. There have been a few breaks in which I've enjoyed a hike or walk, but I'm off the running wagon for a few days. Last night I got cozy in bed on the heating blanket, pretending to be a reptile... which has really become my routine as of late. I read my JivaMukti yoga book, in my effort for self teacher training due to the lack of funding in my present life.
The book is fabulous, but the wind was too crazy! The lattice on the front porch was swinging 6 feet into the air and crashing into the window. The metal archway on the side house was clanging every few seconds. I tried to meditate through it, I tried... but I finally called for backup and was swept up by a prince back to his toasty cave. I felt like such a baby! I remembered all those days of hiding from the storms when I was little, and being so mad that my family wanted to be out in it... I guess some things never change.
I've been searching the internet for cars, and there are some affordable ones that aren't too shabby! Whenever I finally get another vehicle, this experience has changed my life forever. No longer will I rely on only a car for transportation when I have 2 good legs and 3 beautiful bikes. Ultimately I think I will buy another car, for the freedom really. Being able to drive to the beach alone is a gift, or to take Taylor somewhere, anywhere. I have so many people in my life willing to help support me, loan their cars, etc., but I am one independent and stubborn girl, who likes to be alone much of the time!
At least now I'm insured.
The rain is getting to me. After my soaking Tuesday last week, I've hesitated to spend much time outside in this weather. There have been a few breaks in which I've enjoyed a hike or walk, but I'm off the running wagon for a few days. Last night I got cozy in bed on the heating blanket, pretending to be a reptile... which has really become my routine as of late. I read my JivaMukti yoga book, in my effort for self teacher training due to the lack of funding in my present life.
The book is fabulous, but the wind was too crazy! The lattice on the front porch was swinging 6 feet into the air and crashing into the window. The metal archway on the side house was clanging every few seconds. I tried to meditate through it, I tried... but I finally called for backup and was swept up by a prince back to his toasty cave. I felt like such a baby! I remembered all those days of hiding from the storms when I was little, and being so mad that my family wanted to be out in it... I guess some things never change.
I've been searching the internet for cars, and there are some affordable ones that aren't too shabby! Whenever I finally get another vehicle, this experience has changed my life forever. No longer will I rely on only a car for transportation when I have 2 good legs and 3 beautiful bikes. Ultimately I think I will buy another car, for the freedom really. Being able to drive to the beach alone is a gift, or to take Taylor somewhere, anywhere. I have so many people in my life willing to help support me, loan their cars, etc., but I am one independent and stubborn girl, who likes to be alone much of the time!
At least now I'm insured.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Stubborn Girl, Puddles for Shoes
So today it poured, hard. I woke up for my 7 AM Kennedy clients at about 5:30, knowing I needed to figure out transportation. I looked up the bus schedule last night and knew the bus left City Hall at 6:25 AM, perfect to get me to the club by 7. I remember seeing the bus pass me many days riding out.
So I look outside (in the dark) at 6:15 and think, I'm a trainer for goodness sakes! So I put on my waterproof shell (thanks mom and Larry) and head outside. It didn't seem to be raining that hard when I left, so I packed my backpack full of lunch and a few things and headed out. 2 minutes on the bike, I knew I'd made a dreadful mistake. I was drenched, luckily just on the outside.
So I rode along in the dark, with my headlight, helmet, and flasher on my back. I made it there in record time (talk about motivation) but arrived drenched. Everyone who saw me reacted, in one way or another. I headed to the locker room where I stripped down and rung out my socks... quite literally. Then I tried to blow dry my socks and shoes--not working AT ALL. So on went the soaking wet socks and shoes, only to squish around and prune my feet for the next 5 hours.
After many clients and no break, I finally went downstairs and bought a new pair of socks and blow dried my shoes, the best I could. Then I ate chocolate cake. Yes, I did. My rule today is, if you endure something awful, enjoy the indulgences you don't normally allow. So I had cake, a tuna melt (with cheese!) and sour dough bread with a side of corn chips. All crap I never have, but damn it, I deserved it.
Riding there wasn't as bad as riding home because that early, no one can see you. At 3 PM, everyone stares. Great.
Take the bus next time Jenna, seriously.
So I look outside (in the dark) at 6:15 and think, I'm a trainer for goodness sakes! So I put on my waterproof shell (thanks mom and Larry) and head outside. It didn't seem to be raining that hard when I left, so I packed my backpack full of lunch and a few things and headed out. 2 minutes on the bike, I knew I'd made a dreadful mistake. I was drenched, luckily just on the outside.
So I rode along in the dark, with my headlight, helmet, and flasher on my back. I made it there in record time (talk about motivation) but arrived drenched. Everyone who saw me reacted, in one way or another. I headed to the locker room where I stripped down and rung out my socks... quite literally. Then I tried to blow dry my socks and shoes--not working AT ALL. So on went the soaking wet socks and shoes, only to squish around and prune my feet for the next 5 hours.
After many clients and no break, I finally went downstairs and bought a new pair of socks and blow dried my shoes, the best I could. Then I ate chocolate cake. Yes, I did. My rule today is, if you endure something awful, enjoy the indulgences you don't normally allow. So I had cake, a tuna melt (with cheese!) and sour dough bread with a side of corn chips. All crap I never have, but damn it, I deserved it.
Riding there wasn't as bad as riding home because that early, no one can see you. At 3 PM, everyone stares. Great.
Take the bus next time Jenna, seriously.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Chips and Guac
A few pictures from Mexico...
Tequila: the cat who I shared my fish tacos with, and probably turned into quite the beggar... I couldn't help it, she was too cute!
Near Punta Sur, a look out with not much life to see... a few birds, no crocs, and a crab.
Painted entrance to No Name Bar.
The cruise ships a pooping people...
The Mexico diet :O)
Tequila: the cat who I shared my fish tacos with, and probably turned into quite the beggar... I couldn't help it, she was too cute!
Near Punta Sur, a look out with not much life to see... a few birds, no crocs, and a crab.
Painted entrance to No Name Bar.
The cruise ships a pooping people...
The Mexico diet :O)
Separation
While I was single, my solution to the lonesome feelings was to buy myself flowers... sometimes lilies, sometimes tulips, but orchids became the favorite. Orchids can be a bit tricky, I've had some last years and bloom over and over again, and I've had some die within a matter of months, never predictably.
So I ended my count of self loathing orchids with 5... some healthier than others, some still blooming, some hibernating their blossoms for winter.
There are always those heart wrenching stories about how a mother gives birth to a beautiful baby, only to lose her own precious life... and each time I walk in my kitchen (home to two orchid friends) I think of these stories. I've watched one of my orchids struggle for a few months. I bought her because she had a few flawed leafs and I thought it would deter anyone else from taking her home. She had the most beautiful buds and the flowers that had opened were amazing.
So she's struggled, and I finally got to the point of separating baby from mother in hopes of saving mom's life. So her beautiful blossoms sit next to her in a cylindrical glass as she wilts away. Heart wrenching I know.
Here they are...
Wishing momma and daughter luck in this chilly California winter as I research how best to save her life.
So I ended my count of self loathing orchids with 5... some healthier than others, some still blooming, some hibernating their blossoms for winter.
There are always those heart wrenching stories about how a mother gives birth to a beautiful baby, only to lose her own precious life... and each time I walk in my kitchen (home to two orchid friends) I think of these stories. I've watched one of my orchids struggle for a few months. I bought her because she had a few flawed leafs and I thought it would deter anyone else from taking her home. She had the most beautiful buds and the flowers that had opened were amazing.
So she's struggled, and I finally got to the point of separating baby from mother in hopes of saving mom's life. So her beautiful blossoms sit next to her in a cylindrical glass as she wilts away. Heart wrenching I know.
Here they are...
Wishing momma and daughter luck in this chilly California winter as I research how best to save her life.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Much Betta
Since the last time I've written, things have drastically improved... as you may have imagined. I tend to write more on a frustration level rather than an elated level, although both are beneficial.
I've discontinued all contact with the other studio in town that had entangled the community in so much strain and stress, and immediately my life shifted. I started teaching on Archer Street again, the studio that many of us have come to know as home. As soon as I rolled out my mat for that first class, my spirit lifted more than one could have predicted.
I decided to cut back my hours at Kennedy, and maybe even all together. I do have a few clients that I'd like to keep on track, and keeping ties is a good idea, as long as everyone knows how non-committal I have to be there.
My personal life is great. I'm enamored with someone who's been around a long time, and the timing finally seems to be just right... I have no expectations or requirements, but rather, I'm living each day to the fullest in great company.
Lunch time yoga started at the city with a warm welcome... that's been exciting. Tomorrow is class #2. Teaching beginners is a whole new battle for me, but watching beginners learn is twice as gratifying.
A deep sigh of relief that all is well, and is getting better day by day... there are bright things in my present and in my future... and all of that, I realize, is a choice.
I've discontinued all contact with the other studio in town that had entangled the community in so much strain and stress, and immediately my life shifted. I started teaching on Archer Street again, the studio that many of us have come to know as home. As soon as I rolled out my mat for that first class, my spirit lifted more than one could have predicted.
I decided to cut back my hours at Kennedy, and maybe even all together. I do have a few clients that I'd like to keep on track, and keeping ties is a good idea, as long as everyone knows how non-committal I have to be there.
My personal life is great. I'm enamored with someone who's been around a long time, and the timing finally seems to be just right... I have no expectations or requirements, but rather, I'm living each day to the fullest in great company.
Lunch time yoga started at the city with a warm welcome... that's been exciting. Tomorrow is class #2. Teaching beginners is a whole new battle for me, but watching beginners learn is twice as gratifying.
A deep sigh of relief that all is well, and is getting better day by day... there are bright things in my present and in my future... and all of that, I realize, is a choice.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
ARRRGGGH
I am so frustrated.
My day started out fine... emails, catching up on details and house stuff. I rode out to Kennedy for a noon appointment in the cold and everything started rolling downhill. I didn't want to be on my bike, I didn't want to train clients. I walked into the building and immediately felt shitty. The noise, the energy, the people... I hated it. I made it to my trainer box where along with a few Christmas cards, there were 2 paychecks, for very very very little money. I'm working too hard to make this little.
So I worked out my 3 clients, all of them taking note of my energy and offering up their solutions and predictions. I didn't want to be there... and I don't want to go back.
I'm tired of the struggle. Even after a phenomenal vacation, I hate my schedule. I can't work 3 jobs with no car... I can't, I won't.
I know the only person who can find a solution is me, and I guess that will be the focus of my evening and my focus until I figure it all out.
So I get home to prep for yoga class at the new studio clear across town, and nothing is working in my favor. I try to reload my ipod and accidentally set the language to Chinese. How the f*** am I supposed to fix that? So I try to google it, google's site is down, I looked on mac.com, no clue, so brilliantly I got out my ancient ipod and used it to guess what I was doing until I saw a list of languages. After that ordeal was fixed, already in tears, the ipod wouldn't play AT ALL.
I know when my energy is negative shit hits the fan, I know that. But I can't help but to feel hopeless and frustrated. My savings, which would have been another car, is almost entirely gone and my rent is huge compared to my income. I need help... I need a solution. And due to hit tomorrow is a huge rain storm... plenty of friends have offered my rides, but I hate depending on other people, I do it enough.
I don't know what to do but cry and pray.
I started searching for new jobs, I don't even care if I have an important position or if I make a difference... I don't care.
I need to be working smarter and not harder. I need to dig myself out of the quicksand I've fallen into. I'm not happy and this is not working.
My day started out fine... emails, catching up on details and house stuff. I rode out to Kennedy for a noon appointment in the cold and everything started rolling downhill. I didn't want to be on my bike, I didn't want to train clients. I walked into the building and immediately felt shitty. The noise, the energy, the people... I hated it. I made it to my trainer box where along with a few Christmas cards, there were 2 paychecks, for very very very little money. I'm working too hard to make this little.
So I worked out my 3 clients, all of them taking note of my energy and offering up their solutions and predictions. I didn't want to be there... and I don't want to go back.
I'm tired of the struggle. Even after a phenomenal vacation, I hate my schedule. I can't work 3 jobs with no car... I can't, I won't.
I know the only person who can find a solution is me, and I guess that will be the focus of my evening and my focus until I figure it all out.
So I get home to prep for yoga class at the new studio clear across town, and nothing is working in my favor. I try to reload my ipod and accidentally set the language to Chinese. How the f*** am I supposed to fix that? So I try to google it, google's site is down, I looked on mac.com, no clue, so brilliantly I got out my ancient ipod and used it to guess what I was doing until I saw a list of languages. After that ordeal was fixed, already in tears, the ipod wouldn't play AT ALL.
I know when my energy is negative shit hits the fan, I know that. But I can't help but to feel hopeless and frustrated. My savings, which would have been another car, is almost entirely gone and my rent is huge compared to my income. I need help... I need a solution. And due to hit tomorrow is a huge rain storm... plenty of friends have offered my rides, but I hate depending on other people, I do it enough.
I don't know what to do but cry and pray.
I started searching for new jobs, I don't even care if I have an important position or if I make a difference... I don't care.
I need to be working smarter and not harder. I need to dig myself out of the quicksand I've fallen into. I'm not happy and this is not working.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Feliz Navidad
Merry Christmas from Mexico! I found myself in the internet cafe again, trying to get a handle on the new happenings in my SLO yoga community.
Yesterday was Christmas Day, and what an amazing one it was. We started off, as many days do, with mom's scones, followed up by small gifts, jugo de mango and huevos y papas fritas. As Christa cooked, I sat blowing my nose, mom danced around singing the 12 days of Christmas (Reggae Remixed) complete with hand movements for each day... the geese a laying and maids a milking were the most entertaining. I laughed and laughed :O)
It seems we've all shifted roles in this family, with Christa being the mom, and mom being one of the kids. I've never laughed more.
We then went to a place that has dolphins in the open ocean fenced off so that they're captive... strange. We all had mixed feelings about it, but then learned that they are born in captivity and have much longer lives kept there, and there's plenty of space for them to swim freely (well almost freely).
We sat on the beach first and drank pina coladas out of coconuts... mine wasn't strong enough so I had 2, the second with extra rum... that was bliss. We then snorkeled around for a while, I prefer still swimming with my goggles, so that's what I did, but used fins to swim around like a dolphin :O)
Then we went for our dolphin adventure, where we learned a few tricks to perform with the dolphins. It was pretty cool. I still felt bad that they were captive, but they truly seemed happy and loved all the attention. Pretty unreal.
We topped off the trip with a hike through the 'ruins' which turned out to be the tourist version, and seemed to be concrete casts of things looking like ruins. Mom walked through before us and came back screaming about 4 foot iguanas. Well she has a tendency to exaggerate, so we laughed it off and continued on. Sure enough when we came to the iguana that scared her, it looked to be 2 feet or so, but then we came upon a group of people feeding a few small iguanas... and as they kept feeding, bigger ones came out of the woodworks until really a 4 foot orange scary looking thing came out. I was taking pictures with the camera on 12X zoom when it lunged at us, making me jump and scream. It looked a lot closer, but really, it was creepy.
We took a taxi back and napped on the couches in the condo. The four of us are so lucky to not only be able to vacation like this, but to truly enjoy each other the whole time. We ran together this morning around town, with mom telling the locals that we were crazy white people.
Good times from Cozumel, Mexico. A few more days and a long trek home back to reality. Sometimes I wish I could be on vacation forever.
Yesterday was Christmas Day, and what an amazing one it was. We started off, as many days do, with mom's scones, followed up by small gifts, jugo de mango and huevos y papas fritas. As Christa cooked, I sat blowing my nose, mom danced around singing the 12 days of Christmas (Reggae Remixed) complete with hand movements for each day... the geese a laying and maids a milking were the most entertaining. I laughed and laughed :O)
It seems we've all shifted roles in this family, with Christa being the mom, and mom being one of the kids. I've never laughed more.
We then went to a place that has dolphins in the open ocean fenced off so that they're captive... strange. We all had mixed feelings about it, but then learned that they are born in captivity and have much longer lives kept there, and there's plenty of space for them to swim freely (well almost freely).
We sat on the beach first and drank pina coladas out of coconuts... mine wasn't strong enough so I had 2, the second with extra rum... that was bliss. We then snorkeled around for a while, I prefer still swimming with my goggles, so that's what I did, but used fins to swim around like a dolphin :O)
Then we went for our dolphin adventure, where we learned a few tricks to perform with the dolphins. It was pretty cool. I still felt bad that they were captive, but they truly seemed happy and loved all the attention. Pretty unreal.
We topped off the trip with a hike through the 'ruins' which turned out to be the tourist version, and seemed to be concrete casts of things looking like ruins. Mom walked through before us and came back screaming about 4 foot iguanas. Well she has a tendency to exaggerate, so we laughed it off and continued on. Sure enough when we came to the iguana that scared her, it looked to be 2 feet or so, but then we came upon a group of people feeding a few small iguanas... and as they kept feeding, bigger ones came out of the woodworks until really a 4 foot orange scary looking thing came out. I was taking pictures with the camera on 12X zoom when it lunged at us, making me jump and scream. It looked a lot closer, but really, it was creepy.
We took a taxi back and napped on the couches in the condo. The four of us are so lucky to not only be able to vacation like this, but to truly enjoy each other the whole time. We ran together this morning around town, with mom telling the locals that we were crazy white people.
Good times from Cozumel, Mexico. A few more days and a long trek home back to reality. Sometimes I wish I could be on vacation forever.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Me duele la cabesa
I'm in Cozumel, Mexico with significant pressure in my head. What was an itchy throat turned into a stuffy nose and head. URGH.
It's absolutely beautiful here... white sand beaches, palm trees... it's quite an interesting tourist stop though. Each day big cruise ships pull into port and unload hundreds, maybe even thousands of 'coneheads' into town. You can see them waddle about, knowing their from somewhere in the midwest... Americans at their finest, following one person with a big red sign, waiting to buy and eat, exactly what the locals want and need for survival.
The horses pulling buggies wear sombreros, which flop about on their heads as they trot down the street. Everyone wants and needs our business, and there's a piece of me unnerved by the concept. There seems to be no pollution control because all cars and scooters smoke ridiculously.
The rest of the family is diving today, and here I sit at the Internet Cafe trying to figure out the yoga community I teach in and how to keep my own steam rolling into the new year. The new location of the Yoga Centre is going to be at the Academy of Dance off of Orcutt, but I'm hesitating about riding my bike down 227 at night. Am I just being a baby? Is it time for me to not teach for a while, or teach at Kennedy or Club 24, or at a public church?
I know I may very well be building classes from the ground up, so I want to be certain that I'm doing it in a place where I'm sustainable. These thoughts are swirling in and out of my head as I try to sleep breathing out of my mouth.
Yesterday we toured the island in a jeep... drove to the east side and had yummy fish tacos, made friends with a Siamese cat named Tequila, a hound dog named Fox and a bunch of horses. Mom finally went snorkeling naked, a dream come true, and we made it back to our relaxing abode with a few Blockbuster rentals... they have Starbucks here too!
I can't tell if all the decongestants have gotten to my head, or if I'm really just this sick, but I feel terrible, dizzy and ill.
It may be time to go back to the room and put my feet up.
We are all having a blast here, snorkeling, diving (them not me), and really just spending quality time with each other, not a regular experience anymore. This family is so eccentric, as I'm sure all would claim to be, but really, these are the most entertaining three I know, always adventurous, always hilarious, always happy and hungry. There will be a detox when we get home I'm sure. It's near impossible to find a whole grain on the island.
I'm off to relax in paradise... hoping this Christmas Eve my head clears up, and I figure out just what I need. I miss the Musician, but luckily he loaded me up with groovy tunes before I left... so he remains in my thoughts. After all the years and the ups and downs, maybe we can work it out someday. I've learned that I can't hold on too tight, but just have to release it into the universe, and if it comes back, it has the potential to be a beautiful thing.
Adios :O)
It's absolutely beautiful here... white sand beaches, palm trees... it's quite an interesting tourist stop though. Each day big cruise ships pull into port and unload hundreds, maybe even thousands of 'coneheads' into town. You can see them waddle about, knowing their from somewhere in the midwest... Americans at their finest, following one person with a big red sign, waiting to buy and eat, exactly what the locals want and need for survival.
The horses pulling buggies wear sombreros, which flop about on their heads as they trot down the street. Everyone wants and needs our business, and there's a piece of me unnerved by the concept. There seems to be no pollution control because all cars and scooters smoke ridiculously.
The rest of the family is diving today, and here I sit at the Internet Cafe trying to figure out the yoga community I teach in and how to keep my own steam rolling into the new year. The new location of the Yoga Centre is going to be at the Academy of Dance off of Orcutt, but I'm hesitating about riding my bike down 227 at night. Am I just being a baby? Is it time for me to not teach for a while, or teach at Kennedy or Club 24, or at a public church?
I know I may very well be building classes from the ground up, so I want to be certain that I'm doing it in a place where I'm sustainable. These thoughts are swirling in and out of my head as I try to sleep breathing out of my mouth.
Yesterday we toured the island in a jeep... drove to the east side and had yummy fish tacos, made friends with a Siamese cat named Tequila, a hound dog named Fox and a bunch of horses. Mom finally went snorkeling naked, a dream come true, and we made it back to our relaxing abode with a few Blockbuster rentals... they have Starbucks here too!
I can't tell if all the decongestants have gotten to my head, or if I'm really just this sick, but I feel terrible, dizzy and ill.
It may be time to go back to the room and put my feet up.
We are all having a blast here, snorkeling, diving (them not me), and really just spending quality time with each other, not a regular experience anymore. This family is so eccentric, as I'm sure all would claim to be, but really, these are the most entertaining three I know, always adventurous, always hilarious, always happy and hungry. There will be a detox when we get home I'm sure. It's near impossible to find a whole grain on the island.
I'm off to relax in paradise... hoping this Christmas Eve my head clears up, and I figure out just what I need. I miss the Musician, but luckily he loaded me up with groovy tunes before I left... so he remains in my thoughts. After all the years and the ups and downs, maybe we can work it out someday. I've learned that I can't hold on too tight, but just have to release it into the universe, and if it comes back, it has the potential to be a beautiful thing.
Adios :O)
Friday, December 14, 2007
Opinions and Judgements
I've noticed a few things as of late. The way I am living my life right now provokes many people to create strong opinions of me and also strong judgements.
Sometimes it's the car-less factor... making some feel insecure about the amount they spend on transportation or even just on gas. Those environmentally savvy people couldn't be more stoked about my decision. And then sometimes it's the 3 job factor, or sometimes the no insurance factor, or this that or the other.
Now I'm a strongly opinionated person, and the more opinions I collect from my peers, clients, friends and colleagues, the more I want to push them all away.
Is it just that it's different, or am I making people uncomfortable... so uncomfortable I'm receiving unsolicited advice. I can only take so much... and there are only a few in my close circle whose opinions I solicit... because I genuinely care what their opinion is.
So... I've been playing Ani Difranco's album Imperfectly a lot lately. It's got Ani's depth, but just enough light to it. There's a line I can't get enough of...
strangers are exciting
their mystery never ends
but there's nothing like looking at your own history
in the faces of your friends
I've been thinking of relocating on a few different levels... mostly because I get tired of looking at my history in the faces of my friends... or ex boyfriends rather...
Can't get enough of that album... well, until enough is enough.
And... Pinecrest Calendar is 90% done!
Sometimes it's the car-less factor... making some feel insecure about the amount they spend on transportation or even just on gas. Those environmentally savvy people couldn't be more stoked about my decision. And then sometimes it's the 3 job factor, or sometimes the no insurance factor, or this that or the other.
Now I'm a strongly opinionated person, and the more opinions I collect from my peers, clients, friends and colleagues, the more I want to push them all away.
Is it just that it's different, or am I making people uncomfortable... so uncomfortable I'm receiving unsolicited advice. I can only take so much... and there are only a few in my close circle whose opinions I solicit... because I genuinely care what their opinion is.
So... I've been playing Ani Difranco's album Imperfectly a lot lately. It's got Ani's depth, but just enough light to it. There's a line I can't get enough of...
strangers are exciting
their mystery never ends
but there's nothing like looking at your own history
in the faces of your friends
I've been thinking of relocating on a few different levels... mostly because I get tired of looking at my history in the faces of my friends... or ex boyfriends rather...
Can't get enough of that album... well, until enough is enough.
And... Pinecrest Calendar is 90% done!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Clouds
I've realized much in the last few days... especially how one certain person whose intentions were only positive, was tossing me around like I was a rag doll on the end of a whip.
I cared too much. I think that's a common Scorpio trait.
So now we prepare for Cozumel :O) Christmas in Tahoe started to lose its steam after a few too many injuries on icy slopes. The snow in California is not like it used to be!
As cold as it is, as tired as I am of working, as many stuggles as are present, I love my life.
I feel like a huge cloud was lifted.
Oh and the bare bone structure of my site is up if anyone still reads this thing :O) jennahealy.com
I cared too much. I think that's a common Scorpio trait.
So now we prepare for Cozumel :O) Christmas in Tahoe started to lose its steam after a few too many injuries on icy slopes. The snow in California is not like it used to be!
As cold as it is, as tired as I am of working, as many stuggles as are present, I love my life.
I feel like a huge cloud was lifted.
Oh and the bare bone structure of my site is up if anyone still reads this thing :O) jennahealy.com
Sunday, December 02, 2007
THINK Manifestation
Friday night played out just as I'd expected... a glass of Pinot, the Red Curry with Tofu, good company and good laughs. Someone made a comment about the boys and girls on opposite sides of the table... and sure enough, there were 4 guys sitting across from 5 girls... then I noticed, I was the lone girl, and furthermore, the lone person wedged between 4 couples. Great. I'm that girl. After a drunken phone call from a certain someone, I called it a night.
Saturday was productive, lots of laundry, Tay time, cleaning and more cleaning. I pretty much sat myself down at about 5 PM and never got back up, only to eat. This morning, Betsy and I took the dogs to the beach and had breakfast, which meant now I had a sandy wet dog, clean floors and an over stuffed belly.
Tonight was the Kennedy Fitness Paso club dinner where we toured the club and were served horrible things--pizza and Chinese food. Healthy.
I ran before the dinner tonight, to try and warm my body and clear my head. Here's my summary, yet again... 3 jobs, no car, paying over half my income in rent, poor, frustrated and alone, oh and my insurance ran out on Friday. And the more my life sucks, the more I eat. The feeling of running is so good, except this time I ran to pound my legs into the pavement. By about 5 miles my shin bone started to ache like a stress fracture. I decided it would probably go away if I ran lighter, but it didn't. My entire run I was on the verge of tears... how do I keep getting myself into the same place over and over again? What am I doing wrong? The harder I pounded, the better I felt.
It may be time to move... soon. Problem is, when it's time, it will be summer and everything will be warm and beautiful. I started to apply for a position at Google, and started looking for other part time work, but it's not out there at the right price... I inquired about making my position at the City full time, and apparently it's not even up for discussion until 2009. It all makes me want to cry, and I'm not even pre-menstrual and I'm sober.
I can manifest anything right?
Saturday was productive, lots of laundry, Tay time, cleaning and more cleaning. I pretty much sat myself down at about 5 PM and never got back up, only to eat. This morning, Betsy and I took the dogs to the beach and had breakfast, which meant now I had a sandy wet dog, clean floors and an over stuffed belly.
Tonight was the Kennedy Fitness Paso club dinner where we toured the club and were served horrible things--pizza and Chinese food. Healthy.
I ran before the dinner tonight, to try and warm my body and clear my head. Here's my summary, yet again... 3 jobs, no car, paying over half my income in rent, poor, frustrated and alone, oh and my insurance ran out on Friday. And the more my life sucks, the more I eat. The feeling of running is so good, except this time I ran to pound my legs into the pavement. By about 5 miles my shin bone started to ache like a stress fracture. I decided it would probably go away if I ran lighter, but it didn't. My entire run I was on the verge of tears... how do I keep getting myself into the same place over and over again? What am I doing wrong? The harder I pounded, the better I felt.
It may be time to move... soon. Problem is, when it's time, it will be summer and everything will be warm and beautiful. I started to apply for a position at Google, and started looking for other part time work, but it's not out there at the right price... I inquired about making my position at the City full time, and apparently it's not even up for discussion until 2009. It all makes me want to cry, and I'm not even pre-menstrual and I'm sober.
I can manifest anything right?
Friday, November 30, 2007
The Weekend is Here
The start of another weekend. Ahhh... just what I need, some time to nest and hang out with my boo. Tonight is one of those nights to Eat Out Save Lives nights, where 10% of participating restaurants profits goes to Aids Support. So, in honor of this event, and Karla who now works for Aids Support Network, we are going to Novo :O) We'll see if I can resist the red curry with tofu and forbidden black rice. Why try? It makes me so happy.
I'm getting used to my life now. The evenings are no longer strange... I'm no longer seeking company when I get home. Just my Tay and my music, that's all I need. Oh and sobriety. No intoxicants for this girl right now. Well maybe for the sake of AIDS... just one beautiful glass of Pinot Noir. That'll do.
I don't want to be alone forever, but I'm OK. I looked back and read what I've been writing lately and realized that I'm writing about being alone A LOT. I concluded that I just need to keep continuously reassuring myself, that's all. I'm OK.
Off to walk downtown to work up an appetite. Mmmm... red curry.
I'm getting used to my life now. The evenings are no longer strange... I'm no longer seeking company when I get home. Just my Tay and my music, that's all I need. Oh and sobriety. No intoxicants for this girl right now. Well maybe for the sake of AIDS... just one beautiful glass of Pinot Noir. That'll do.
I don't want to be alone forever, but I'm OK. I looked back and read what I've been writing lately and realized that I'm writing about being alone A LOT. I concluded that I just need to keep continuously reassuring myself, that's all. I'm OK.
Off to walk downtown to work up an appetite. Mmmm... red curry.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
What really matters...
This whole alone thing is hard. I never thought I was the kind of person who needed someone else. I've never really lived all by myself however. If I didn't have Taylor, I'd go crazy. At least I can talk to him.
I have a client at Kennedy who always likes to give me advice. I've done a fairly good job of separating my personal life from the lives of my clients... but when you spend hours per week with people, you talk... and they know when somethings on your mind. Yesterday I made a huge effort to just tune in to their bodies and healing their bodies, and I had multiple people ask me what was wrong. My response was always "nothing, I'm just focused."
I've been making an effort to carry NO emotional stress with me. I can't handle it. It's so toxic for me... the most toxic of all the stressors.
So today, I take Tay to get his teeth cleaned, run around town a bit and try to vamp up the Wellness Room at the City.
Oh, point of my story, that same client says to me, "Jenna, you are working 3 jobs, not making enough and don't even have a car! What are you doing?!" I thought about it, and then thought about a few months ago when all I wanted was financial security (I'm getting closer only because I have savings from my car) and a house of my own. Well, I feel like those two needs are being met, but that I'm on a limited amount of time in this scenario of making little and paying a ton in rent before I have to either move or get a higher paying job... hopefully by then all my car savings won't have disappeared!
The most important thing is and continues to be... I AM HAPPY... although I'm without a man friend, I am not alone, and I have all the love an support I could ever ask for.
I have a client at Kennedy who always likes to give me advice. I've done a fairly good job of separating my personal life from the lives of my clients... but when you spend hours per week with people, you talk... and they know when somethings on your mind. Yesterday I made a huge effort to just tune in to their bodies and healing their bodies, and I had multiple people ask me what was wrong. My response was always "nothing, I'm just focused."
I've been making an effort to carry NO emotional stress with me. I can't handle it. It's so toxic for me... the most toxic of all the stressors.
So today, I take Tay to get his teeth cleaned, run around town a bit and try to vamp up the Wellness Room at the City.
Oh, point of my story, that same client says to me, "Jenna, you are working 3 jobs, not making enough and don't even have a car! What are you doing?!" I thought about it, and then thought about a few months ago when all I wanted was financial security (I'm getting closer only because I have savings from my car) and a house of my own. Well, I feel like those two needs are being met, but that I'm on a limited amount of time in this scenario of making little and paying a ton in rent before I have to either move or get a higher paying job... hopefully by then all my car savings won't have disappeared!
The most important thing is and continues to be... I AM HAPPY... although I'm without a man friend, I am not alone, and I have all the love an support I could ever ask for.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Home Ruminations
It's the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and I'm cozy on my parent's couch awaiting my turn on the massage table. Tofurky Day itself was a blast. 3 days of cooking (mostly by my mom) culminated in a glorious vegan feast. Stuffed roasted pumkins with polenta and some fancy sauce, potatoes-sweet and garlic varietals, sparkling Kombucha in champagne glasses... blanched brussel sprout, leek and pecan salad. Oh, everything was divine. Topped off by vegan chocolate ganache with soy dream ice cream.
What a fantastic meal it was... and has continued to be. We reheated the goji berry and butternut squash cornbread stuffing a few times, along with winter squash and lentil parsnip soups.
The house was filled with love and acceptance. We danced, played, laughed, smiled... what a treat it was to have the extended family back together again. NREFMs (Non Related Extended Family Members) make up the majority of our parties... and although none of the individuals who come have much other local family, this family is the solid foundation which we all stand upon.
I'm not alone... that's what I need to keep in my head. I'm not alone.
The musician has reappeared, and has made a strong comeback. We've been working on strengthening our friendship before complicating matters further... until temptation presents itself. I feel like I've found myself in a whirlwind of fallen expectations in a relationship without expectations... and I don't know quite what to do with myself, except retreat. The stakes with him are too high.
Ray delivered Taylor and I to my parents house on Thursday... and I couldn't have been more glad to share in his company. He was heading to see some family and then to his new girl's parent's house for a few days. The beautiful thing about Ray and I is that we love each other so much, we know that we're connected forever, and anyone new knows that's a prerequisite to becoming involved. I'm not sure how she feels about me, or the joint custody we share of Taylor, but I know how Ray feels... unconditional love... that's what it's all about.
It's hard to get my head straight sometimes. In a life where I'm the healer, the teacher, the guru so to speak for the majority of time... I need to be very careful about the relationships I have in my life, and those who I allow in my inner circle. One toxic relationship is one too many for me, and only the strongest survive in my world... although I will accept people for who they are, I can't save everyone... only myself.
So as I fold my laundry, pack my bags, and await my massage, I will start saving myself... start mentally cutting ties and shifting my energy from the non-reciprocal into the reciprocal unconditional.
Now, something to make us all smile from this weekend...
What a fantastic meal it was... and has continued to be. We reheated the goji berry and butternut squash cornbread stuffing a few times, along with winter squash and lentil parsnip soups.
The house was filled with love and acceptance. We danced, played, laughed, smiled... what a treat it was to have the extended family back together again. NREFMs (Non Related Extended Family Members) make up the majority of our parties... and although none of the individuals who come have much other local family, this family is the solid foundation which we all stand upon.
I'm not alone... that's what I need to keep in my head. I'm not alone.
The musician has reappeared, and has made a strong comeback. We've been working on strengthening our friendship before complicating matters further... until temptation presents itself. I feel like I've found myself in a whirlwind of fallen expectations in a relationship without expectations... and I don't know quite what to do with myself, except retreat. The stakes with him are too high.
Ray delivered Taylor and I to my parents house on Thursday... and I couldn't have been more glad to share in his company. He was heading to see some family and then to his new girl's parent's house for a few days. The beautiful thing about Ray and I is that we love each other so much, we know that we're connected forever, and anyone new knows that's a prerequisite to becoming involved. I'm not sure how she feels about me, or the joint custody we share of Taylor, but I know how Ray feels... unconditional love... that's what it's all about.
It's hard to get my head straight sometimes. In a life where I'm the healer, the teacher, the guru so to speak for the majority of time... I need to be very careful about the relationships I have in my life, and those who I allow in my inner circle. One toxic relationship is one too many for me, and only the strongest survive in my world... although I will accept people for who they are, I can't save everyone... only myself.
So as I fold my laundry, pack my bags, and await my massage, I will start saving myself... start mentally cutting ties and shifting my energy from the non-reciprocal into the reciprocal unconditional.
Now, something to make us all smile from this weekend...
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