Sprouting

After a long night of work last night, a table of two sat at 9:55p.m. I was supposed to be done at 10. Blasphemy! I reluctantly told them that they could order, quickly. Of course they wanted drinks, salads, meals, blah, blah, blah. A few of my friends were sitting at the bar waiting for me to be done.

45 minutes later, I was done. One large lemonade vodka down and I was feeling much better. I hung out for a while, but knew if I stayed any longer I would be there all night. I snuck out and made it home safe. A long night of coughing (still not sick!) and I was up folding laundry before work. Today I covered a day shift. A day shift... in a bar. It was the most pathetic thing, and definately not worth it financially to even be open.

I had a moment of clarity at work today. I wrote down on a scratch piece of paper the things that were most important to me. I've now got a lot of energy to put into something, and I want to be sure it's where I want it to be. The four things: Fitness, Nutrition, Photography, Travel. Put them together and you have a personal trainer/cook/photographer to travel with!

I will find the perfect combination of these things to fit my life right now. But... it would greatly be to my benefit to enhance all of these skills before Europe. I know that I'm not a person to commit to a job full time. I sort of have lifestyle A.D.D. in a sense. I get terribly bored.

A website is next, more pictures, culinary training...

The greatest part about my life right now is time and freedom. This is something I've been looking forward to since I started college.

This is my time to sprout... with an entirely fresh creative outlook.

Blanket in the Sky

My main man and I... on the top.

Bishop's Peak

It was 5:30 a.m.

Mira woke me up before the sun this morning. We found the closest thing to clean running clothes and shoes and headed for San Luis.

The fog was so thick, we could barely see our way into town. We arrived at the bottom of the mountain. It was cold and foggy, but we knew the feeling of being on the top would be worth it.

We started jogging. What an incline Mt. Madonna is! We kept chugging along... until finally a small patch of blue could be seen past the layer of fog. About 15 feet from the top, the fog cleared. Sunshine just for us!

Mira, Taylor and I were the only three souls on the top of the fog this morning. The blanket was so thick. We could see where the valley and ocean were covered, and the "seven sisters" mountain range peaked out the top.

It was amazing. The first daylight just for us. The excitement of Mira's first trip up... and pure joy from being in my sanctuary again. It had been too long.

We descended back into the cold fog, running quickly to make it to the warm car. We drove home, got Mira off to school and I climbed back into bed after a warm shower.

What a morning... and what a day it will be.

Oh, I almost forgot the best part. I looked up... directly up. There she was. Half way on her way out... la luna bella :)

Burrito Babble

What in life makes a person happy? It seems to me that one can only find an additional level of happiness when being loved, or loving another. On a basic level, if all necessities of living are being met, you can be happy. But, life seems to matter more when another person cares about the little things in your life.

Of course there is the family's love, that is fantastic... but different.

Is there ever a good time to fall for someone? Same question... different situation: is there ever a good time to have a baby? Can we even plan these things?

Do things in life happen systematically for a purpose or... do those individuals who look for a purpose in everything choose to do things more systematically?

There are so many questions in life, if you choose to question everything. It's almost like the level of consciousness that one embodies. The more conscious you are, the deeper you are able to fall in the depths.

Enough with the babbling... I know what makes me happy: running, yoga, wine, burritos, good company, silence, chocolate, peace and love. Any combination will do.

Did I mention burritos?

The Key is 3

I have struggled with motivating others to change their health... it's my job, but very difficult. I came to the conclusion that a person will lose weight if they give up 3 things... and commit to giving up these three things as a lifestyle change:

white flour, sugar* & fried food

...with the elimination of these things and inclusion of sufficient water, I feel most people will lose weight. *this means soda too!

I noticed in my own patterns, that I feel refreshed and energized when I wake up after consuming little sugar the day before. If I have had a sugar-filled day, I wake up hung over... barely able to force myself to wake up.

The secret to losing weight, at least to me, is stabilizing one's blood sugar. If you are consuming sugar regularly, your blood sugar is spiked and then comes down hard. When blood sugar comes down hard, you crave sugary, simple carbs... it becomes a cycle. I believe it becomes an addiction.

If you can stabilize the blood sugar levels with the combination of lean protein and complex carbohydrates, meals will last a longer amount of time. This means that you will consistently eat less! Translation: you will lose weight. Not to mention the amount of fiber in complex carbohydrates will help to rid of excess fat in the body.

Feel free to email for meal suggestions or replacements for these 3 evils.

Passion

What is it that creates passion? There are certain people who's eyes you cannot help but to stare into. What is it that draws one person to another... is it merely physical attraction, or astrology, or... hormones?

And even if you do feel the passion, who's to say it's not lust? And does the other person return that magnetic feeling? Being a magnet without another magnet to stick to is trouble!

I do suppose that alcohol intake has much to do with 'passion' on occasion. Last night, I felt it. I have no idea how or why or where this guy came from... only time will tell if he is deserving of me and me of him. I do miss my Frustrating Friend. Being true to things that frustrate me means letting go of him... or redefining the relationship once again. We are so good together, but both commit-o-phobics, and in hard places right now.

It is best for me to be single right now anyway, unless a better option presents itself.

Judgements

Why do we judge eachother? Is it just because we don't feel confident in who we are... or we project our fears on to others?

Is it only when self judgement is released that true living begins?

Pinecrest, CA

One of my hands down favorite places on earth. Perhaps it's the lack of "white noise" and business around, or the gentle swing of a hammock and a good book?

Camping takes us back to the bare necessities: food, water, shelter and play. With the chaos in our everyday lives, we hardly notice that we are all the same in this sense.

What is phenomenal about this trip every year, is the connections. With about 20 or so people eating, playing, exercising, drinking together... what a great time! It's never the same 20. There are regulars in the bunch, but the 'door' is always open to those willing to make the trek.

To feel life as being so serene, so simple, so supported. Priceless.

I was swinging in the hammock in the campground one day, looking at all the rope holding it together. I found it to be such a metaphor for life. Some of the rope was broken, some held its structural integrity quite well. Hammocks are a web of support just like a family.

What a trip.

A Purpose to Suffering?

What is it about suffering that keeps so many at ease? There are choices in life that we know are better options, but we opt away from them. Do we feel more comfortable when feeling pain?

I have discovered in life that the deeper one falls, the higher they are able to go. With that perspective, suffering serves a purpose. But, how long is too long to suffer? Or rather, how long do you need to be down to spring back up, having gained a new perspective?

Everybody suffers. What we choose to do with this suffering is what separates us from the rest of humanity. Do we soak in the newly created view from below, or wait until the opportune time to revel from above?

Avalon

I checked the time. 7:15ish. By my calculations I should have at least an hour of daylight left. According to the Navy, civil twilight was up at 8:28... perfect! Just as I was grabbing my running shoes and Taylor was starting to bounce with excitement, the housemate walked in with a dislocated finger. Crap!

A little sympathy and about ten minutes later, I was out the door. I took off at a good pace. The white flour/sugar day had prepared my body for some speed! Tay was stoked to crank it up a bit. Down the trail we went... sand patches... tree house... tunnel of trees... and water in sight!

The fog rolled in a few hours ago and the tide left about 10 feet of shoreline to run on. We ran to the end of the beach. There was more wildlife than I'd seen in quite some time. I couldn't help but to see a great white egret staring at Tay and I. He was so graceful and rhythmic in his movements. I was glad not to pose a threat... we were after all visiting his home.

I remembered back to a few summers ago, reading The Mists of Avalon. I was in Avalon tonight. The fog was thick, so much so that the horizon line became a blur. Pure white from ocean to sky. The fish were jumping, birds swooping by. I found peace. My runner's high was fantastic. I could feel the circulation, the oxygen uptake, and it felt damn good.

I've been working on my speed lately and decided to do some sprints. After a grueling 20 minutes of sprinting forwards and backwards, jumping, balancing... I started to feel my body's response to the sugar. I remember pro triathlete Victor Plata telling me one day that he avoided sugar like the plague. It all makes sense, but it did give me a little extra sprinting juice.

So I ran back at a good pace, sprinting up the hills. Home at 8:26. Two whole minutes to spare before it was the end of civil twilight--whatever that means. The perfect night, spent alone. There are options--yes, but all are either frustrating or unenticing. Tay is my peace of mind... the most loyal man I will ever meet.

I feel so connected to the moon cycle this month. Thursday was an extreme day. So much adrenaline, I knew something was up. I didn't think much of it, but made a mental note. Today I glanced at the calendar. Sure enough it was the new moon on Thursday. I am starting to get these energy patterns down to a science... at least for my body.

What a night.

White Flour

Today started with the best intentions. It actually started last night. I got home from work at about 11:30pm after sharing a cocktail and a slice of pizza with Sandra. My housemate was still up, making a cake.

Cake at almost midnight? It would go right to my hips (along with the pizza)! I kindly refused and ducked off to bed. She offered to make me breakfast in the morning... I said "sure, just wake me up." I'm thinking a good breakfast early enough to digest before yoga, right?

Turns out to be buttermilk pancakes, log cabin syrup and cheddar cheese eggs. Delicious, neverminding the fact that my body spins out with even small amounts of sugar. I ate, and spun... all morning and into the afternoon. I kept on spinning right until I ended up at New Frontiers after yoga.

I must have been crashing at this point. I purchased everything wholesome and good in the entire store, barely made it home where I quickly made myself an eggless tofu sandwich and piece of salmon. Whew!

It's so scary what white flour can do. I've been craving the stuff all day, and if I don't run it off and rinse it out of me, it stays put! Scary. Try putting white flour and water in a drain... if it clogs that pipe, what does it do to our pipes?

An Italian Poem

This is a poem that my English teacher sent me, after many Italian dream talks.

WEIGHTLESS

For a god who laughs like a child,
So many cries of sparrows,
So many dances in the boughs,

A soul makes itself weightless,
The meadows take on such softeness,
Such tenderness rekindles in the eyes,

Hands like leaves
Are spellbound in the air...

Who fears anymore,
who judges?

-Guiseppe Ungaretti, 1934

Restaurants Again

I never thought it would happen. When I walked out of the restaurant business a year and a half ago, I had no reason to look back. I was going towards a career move.

Truth of the matter is: I am not ready for a full time job. I want to play, to figure myself out, to live. So two part time jobs are better than one? We'll see. At least I have some sort of balance. Short shifts mixed with cash!

The food is crap... fried crap, but there is a veggie burger on the menu. It's not entirely hopeless.

Dreaming Italian

For what seems like years, I have dreamed of Italy. Living, working, just being in Italy. I was romanced by an Italian years ago, and almost need to experience the origin of their beings.

I signed up for publications from the leaders in Italian fitness today: Technogym. Now my task is to prove to them why they in fact need me in their company. Could be a simple task, right? Wrong. This is a delicate process which needs to be treated like brain surgery.

Better call in for backup.

The Art of Balance

Balance. It is what I strive to achieve in every single day. But just when you think you are starting to become balanced, a new challenge arises. For instance, if my personal world is balanced, my mental, emotional or spiritual worlds could not necessarily be.

This is the biggest challenge in my life. My ultimate goal is wellness... being a wellness coach and personal trainer. What I have discovered the last few months is that all of these worlds are connected. Especially the mental and physical: why are Americans getting so fat? Why are we eating junk? Why are we so disconnected to our bodies? There are mental issues that are consistent in this country leading to obesity.

The more I study psychology, the more I think everyone should get therapy. I believe in every kind of therapy: massage therapy, personal training, self help... anything to enable the SELF. Isn't that what we are all trying to figure out anyway? Who we are and how we fit into the world based on who we want others to think we are... or whose expectations we are trying to meet?

Enough of my soapbox, I need to get in some Ashtanga before it gets too late.

The First Blog

What is a blog anyway? As blogging theory and etiquette is new to my world, I shall see what it evolves to be. For now, it is for me. A commitment to myself to write about my life... my struggles or triumphs as a twenty-something woman in California. Here goes...