Into the Light

It's Friday night and man am I exciting! I worked today, first at Kennedy then ran to a meeting downtown for an hour. She talked too much and I missed my opportunity to eat lunch, because I needed to make it back to Kennedy. Protein bar it was until dinner... frustrating.

I had a dinner meeting with the team for the After School Enrichment Program. We went to the new Natural Cafe, which I was contemplating managing. It was divine, but there's no way I could have survived on that salary and those hours. This much I know.

So I drove myself home, cuddled up on the couch with both dogs and fell asleep... at 9pm. Ryan came home at 11pm surprisingly enough. I thought he was still in Jersey, but apparently he's been in what Sheila calls 'the armpit of California' or Fresno. I guess they have a big need for solar in those armpit cities?

Now it's 1am, and I'm contemplating what to do with my day tomorrow. I'd like to make it to my first bikram class at 10am, but not sure if that's a possibility... we'll see how much sleep I need, eh?

I saw The Musician today. I felt it before I saw him, in fact I was expecting it. He walked by the fitness office and gave me a look, just merely a look of recognition and then walked away. Kind of symbolic. I just hope he is happy in life. One of the trainers today asked if I was 'on the market' or not. I hesitated but admitted that yes, I am single... but weary. It takes a lot for me to trust and really care, and it's going to take even longer next time. Is this why so many people end up forever single, just building bitterness from past relationships?

I am proud of myself for my choices lately. I'm really taking care of myself; I'm trying to get as much sleep as possible, daily exercise of some form and good nutrients. I'm doing just fine by myself, but I do miss being in love.

I've been listening to Dr. Rob Gilbert every morning. He leaves a message recording on his answering machine. He's a professor on the east coast, and is just brilliant and inspiring. He adds stories to each lesson, and the lessons really do stick and continue to inspire. Today, he said he has the secret to life in six words, of which he added two more after the ice skating finals:

When you fall down, get up... and smile.

If you're interested, his number is: 973-743-4690... call it.

Oh, done at Avila for good. I fell when teaching on Thursday. I was so exhausted I could no longer lift my legs... apparently. I told my old boss, that was it... no mas.

And finally my Los Osos sky; a peaceful space:

Bird Watchers

So a lot is going on... but what I am compelled to write about most is my run yesterday.

I have been pretty tired due to work at Kennedy at least once/day, watching Tristam about every other day, and working on this after school program... on top of which trying to build clients.

I decided yesterday that before I went back to Kennedy, after observing a Healthy Kids lesson, I would run. Ira stopped by for a minute which motivated me to stop half-napping on the couch and get off my bum.

I ran down to the bay, dogs on leashes... Luna and Tay together are capable of chaos off leash. We got down to the water, and I was so tired of Luna pulling that I let them off. As soon as the sand was in sight, she was gone. Tay loyally followed and they both pretended I wasn't calling them back. Funny joke guys.

So I let them run. Nobody was on the beach, and I'm sure none of the locals would have cared. I found my regular spot to stretch, breathe, zone out, and hung out there for about 10 mins.

Then, as I'm walking back to leave the beach, I decide it might be a good idea to do a headstand. A way of getting the blood back into my core. I found a nice spot to do so in the sand, threw down the leashes to prepare... but was startled by what I saw. It was a man in camoflage (did I spell that right?) with a lense that was damn near 1 1/2 feet long! What the hell!

When I saw the lense, I appologized for scaring the birds away, but he said not to worry because he'd gotten some great action shots. So I left, no headstand... frankly a bit freaked out. He was fully behind a bush. Why wouldn't he at least make himself known to me, a human being 10 feet away!?

So, for all you birders out there... don't cross over to the creepy side of the sport. Make sure that you remember the fact that you don't have feathers, you can't fly, and you don't spit up food to feed your children.

The Mondays

It's Monday night. My mom and Larry are in Belize, and have been since Thursday. It's a bit weird I must say. I know they are well and enjoying a vacation, but to not talk to them on a regular basis is odd.

Today was a crazy day. I woke at 5am, made it to Kennedy for a client at 6, and one at 7. Then 3 hours on the floor picking up after people and reracking weights. I rushed home to throw the ball for the dogs b/c I thought nobody was home. When I got here I suddenly remembered that it's President's Day and both my roommies were home doing nothing. Hmmph.

So I played ball, ate, and drove to Karla's to put in some hours developing the After School Program. Devin came home and motivated us to go to the gym. We went, and then picked up Tristam (two-year-old I watch) at Becky's friend's house. Picked up a pizza, back to Yukie and Karla's for crafts. Afterwards back to Becky's in Shell, then home to Los Osos.

The day wouldn't have been so long and tiresome if I'd had more sleep and if all of my destinations weren't so far apart. Work and home are 20 mins, Shell Beach and home are 30 mins.

Anyway, enough complaining about my day. The job is good, but I still have so many other things keeping me busy and taking time away from putting in work at Kennedy. I need to financially be able to just train. Once these internship hours are done life will be a lot less stressful.

I've come to terms with The Musician being gone, but still am not over it. Maybe it's the rejection, perhaps it's that I couldn't have just what I wanted. Maybe it's that I knew it was a strong connection. Either or any way, it's done... nothing that I say or do will change that, it can only make me a weaker character, in my eyes at least. I need more time to settle it in my head before moving on to someone else. Someone else is ready to move forward with me, but my view is tainted for a while. It's going to be a tricky situation to escape unscathed.

I know, like my grandma says, "everything is as it should be."

And I still don't like the song, "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with..." It's bullshit. Be with the one you love. Don't settle.

It's now almost 8:30pm, and I will most likely be asleep within 5 mins. I love going to bed early. It's such a way of honoring thyself and the essential need for sleep :)

Same Sex Hand Holding Day

Today is Valentine's Day... the Hallmark holiday from hell, or what Karla calls 'same sex hand holding day.' I'm not entirely sure why she calls it that, but it sounds much better than the dreaded V word.

The day started off well, with just one client in the morning followed by a killer workout. It's hard for me to exercise at Kennedy without making a scene because a lot of what I do is yoga based with challenging balance and flexibility moves. The good news is that I have my ipod back, and I tuned out of the Kennedy zone and into my own world. My boss was near by and proposed to me after a series of backbends. It was a good laugh. I could have worked out for hours. In fact, I think I'm going to go back later and work out again... or perhaps run or swim.

Although I know that today is a bullshit holiday, it still sucks being alone. As Ben Harper says, 'with so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?' It's too easy to dwell on those relationships that fizzled out before their time, or memories of being in love. My overactive brain is not liking this holiday!

So the energy of the day is being spent on me and my own body. Their was talk of going surfing, but I'm not really feeling like being with people. I'm setting off for a run... at least. I'll see what the vibe is from there. The sun is out at least, probably in the 70's. I am so spoiled here.

Devin is supposed to know where he's living in the next few hours. Last I heard it's between Geneva, Italy or Switzerland. Deep breaths. That's one rock in my life I don't know if I'll ever be ready to lose.

With unfolded laundry on my bed, pictures waiting to be matted on my table, dishes in the sink and a sleeping dog, I'm going against the odds and running away, literally. And the best part is, I'm not thinking twice about it.

Mountains

I just hiked up Bishop's Peak, which is the first mountain you could see in the picture of the Seven Sisters. It was so beautiful, air so clean, people stoked on life. I worked on a few more pictures today... the first one, is of my mom and sister taking a stretch break on the way home from Tahoe during Christmas. Then we have a sunset reflection from the car, I love this one. And finally we have a picture of my neighbor Lonnie and his son Kai, a few nights ago, a few minutes prior to the swollen hand.


The layout of this blog, yes, is a little strange, but just go with it. I didn't feel like fixing it.

I enjoyed the daytime off today, hitting the gym at 6am for a resting metabolic and VO2 max test. I worked out for a few hours after, since I was already there... I had no excuses.

Now I have a few hours until Black Sheep, then a few more hours until watching baby Tristam. Then, rest hopefully.

The weather has been absolutely phenomenal. No complaints. I hiked in a tank top and shorts, in February!

I love California. But man is it expensive.

Full moon is coming. A few days away... just in time for Valentine's day. I've got me a date with my man Tay :)

Week of Fun

This week has been an interesting one for sure. My spirits are up, and I feel great, but I feel like a few things have gone wrong. First, I got sick the other night... I am thinking it was food poisoning, but whatever it was, I was puking for about 5 hours. Disgusting I know. I felt like I was on my death bed.

So one full day of recovery from that and I was going strong again. I went for my first dose of exercise last night, a sunset walk with my neighbor Lonnie. He took his son Kai in the baby jogger as well. I noticed when we were in the Elfin Forest that my finger started to swell. I didn't see a bug or spider, so I just thought maybe my joints were swelling?

The swelling got progressively worse for the next 4 hours. Pretty soon my hand was twice it's size too. I took an antihistamine, but no difference. I finally decided at 9pm to take myself in to see if I needed a shot or something. Honestly I just wanted peace of mind... to know that I could sleep and wake up again. Paranoia, I know.

Anyway, Lonnie offered to take me in to the ER (the only place open). We were in and out within an hour. They basically said to watch it, gave me a prescription for an antibiotic if it got worse, and sent me home. I felt like a wimp, but Lonnie emphasized that it is better to know than not to know. Fifty bucks later anyway.

Today, I almost overslept for my morning obligations... a client at Kennedy and my class at Avila. I didn't sleep very well. I talked to The Musician for a good hour, which was nice, but still sucks. I am happy for him that he is finding peace or love with his ex... but frustrated.

So now, my throat hurts and I passed out on the couch for a long nap, skipping work I really needed to get done. Deep breaths. Finger is still throbbing.

I have to prep for a VO2 max test I'm taking in the morning for a coworker. That means fasting, or for hypoglycemics like myself... disaster. I will make it.

My spirit is high, but what a week!

Inspiring Web

Life is busy again... and I like my job. I worked 12 hours today at Kennedy... Saturday I worked at Kennedy 2-7pm, then at Black Sheep9:30-2am, slept from 3-6:30am and then watched baby Tristam until 12:30pm. I napped through the 1st half of the Super Bowl. My throat is starting to become really sore, I think due to all the work combined with the lack of sleep.

The environment at Kennedy is pretty cool. The members are a mix of all ages, all builds, all attitudes. The trainers who I work with are so inspiring... I have known over half of them for a number of years via Cal Poly, and even the ones I'm just meeting are great.

It is really a team effort there, the trainers not only inspire others, but we inspire each other. This is the support system Avila lacked. I'm stoked on the opportunity... and I'm going to run with it, learn as much as I can from my co-workers, and help to empower others.

The only downside is running into The Musician frequently... not because he's a bad guy, or I don't like his presence, but rather that I miss his company. But, If that's the most of my troubles right now, I am A-OK.