Glass

I sold a photo! It's an 'abstract glass' 9 by 12 canvas.

I've had some work posted on The Untapped Resource, a photography site for a few months. But with very little traffic to the site, I haven't sold any work--until today!

Someone decided to buy one! Although that only amounts to a few dollars, it means a lot.

I've been thinking about a turn in the road, perhaps a new career route... photography is one option, but I'd need to put some focus and energy into it. Wedding photography would be fun, or portraits. What a creative job!

I decided to run the full 26.2 marathon again... and started a few training runs this weekend. It really just gave me the focus and consistency I needed last year. It's hard to let anything get you down when you run so much.

I'm booked with fire department testing all week this week, and hopefully I'll have everyone done by next Friday.

The musician and I are heading up to the bay area on Friday to see Susan's Beau Cung fight one of the Shamrock brothers. It should be a good one! Coming from someone who has been so timid around fighting her whole life, I'm opening up to the sport of it. I still cover my eyes for the blood of course.

That shot I took, abstract glass is really about seeing the world in a different perspective, and that's exactly what I need to do right now... filter some of this worry and anxiety to see a brand new light.

Try not to scream

It's been since Saturday that I've had intense nerve pain in my shoulder and neck. The smallest movements are excruciating, and I feel like I've tried it all--massage, chiropractic, rest... but I'm starting to just get frustrated.

The Chiropractor did say that the levator scapulae, one of the main culprits is also known as the stress muscle. But ironically, when I'm injured, I can't teach or work comfortably, adding to my already stressed financial situation, not to mention the cost of the 3 chiropractic visits this week.

The only thing that feels good is ice, maybe I need to jump in the ocean?

I'm trying to do two things: to forgive and to be grateful... but being grateful for pain in the neck is a hard one to swallow, it must be here for a reason, to teach me something.

Positivity. Light. Love. Health. Well being. Healing.

Running for ME

I had an epiphany the other night as I was running Taylor. It had been a long day, and an even longer week, and I'd had a few shorter runs (4-6 miles) but nothing really requiring any endurance. So I got ready, put my sneakers on, and was prepared to say goodbye to my faithful golden retriever, who can still run 6 miles, but starts to slow down and spend more time smelling the flowers... really the pee on the flowers, but the first description makes for a better visual.

As I was walking out the door, he gave me that puppy dog look, so I played fetch for about 10 minutes in hopes of tiring him out before I snuck out... no luck. He kept giving me that look, not taking his eyes off me, so I let him come along. I neglected to bring a leash... he really doesn't need one with the exception of that extra flower smelling time he takes, when I just want to get home.

After about 3 miles, he began to lag, and I just got frustrated. I thought to myself, "this is why you were going to go alone today!" but I couldn't stay mad as his intentions are so pure and so loving and unconditional.

Then I started to realize that this is my relationship with work too. I take on other's needs before my own, feeling obligation to the commitments I've made to their health, without considering my financial health. But like a moth to a flame, I keep the commitments I know aren't sustainable and don't serve me anymore...

I applied for another batch of jobs today... a variety of different positions ranging from Executive Assistant positions to Spa Manager work. Who knows what will come through, or if I can make my positions now sustainable? I love SLO town, but the jobs are so few and far between... it's taking a significant amount of effort.

Yesterday, even with the pinched nerve in my shoulder, I ran/hiked 9 miles. It was either that or lay in bed and cry because the pain was so intense. It's amazing what some endorphins and adrenaline will do!

I went to visit a neuro-chiropractor this morning, more on that to come!

Such is Life

I'm listening to the sweet voice of Ray LaMontagne, he's become a fixture in my nightly unwind. He sings of idealistic romanticism, words so refreshingly sweet. I'm reminded of the boat trips in Cozumel listening to my ipod while the family dove, imagining my sweet musician at home.

My transition back to work has been less than smooth. I had an ecstatic weekend of bliss after the week of elation... but Monday morning hit hard. I ended up in tears at my staff meeting, unexpectedly.

I don't want this to be a blog about my imbalances and struggles. When I started writing a few years ago, my intention was to make a blog with wellness information, with a few personalized stories to emphasize my points... but the more years I spend in the wellness industry, I realize there is a HUGE disconnect, and I find myself writing the crap out.

We are the individuals responsible for the well being of many, many people, yet in this field, the pay is so little that 90% of us struggle just to make ends meet, if even accomplishing that feat. I've started to look at jobs outside my field... I guess I've been too optimistic in thinking someday my position would be full time, when in reality, I lack the support of that notion from my department.

I'm so deep in the work I'm doing, I struggle with the outstanding commitments I have, but in reality, I dig myself at least $500 deeper each month I stay where I am. I've been slowly sinking deeper and deeper, and using the money I had saved from my Audi. This is the first month it's all gone, all of it, and the panic is on.

I made an intention board this weekend, while still in the blissful state, envisioning all that I'd like to come and manifesting the future. The words "Industry Compensation" sit above a picture of a piggy bank filling with money. It's coming, even if I have to sacrifice an ideal position for one I can stand, and stability I can stand upon.

Se la vi.

Here is the only pic of me from Esalen with my friend Zander, striking a pose:

aahhhhh Esalen

Today is my first day home from Esalen. I attended Peter Sterios' week long yoga training at Esalen in Big Sur. I'd always heard stories about it, and have even attended amazing workshops at other retreat centers, but this was epic.

Our group was of about 30, from all over the world... Turkey, Portland, etc. The first evening we all sat in a circle and talked about how we'd arrived; what inspired us to come.



Each day we had dynamic yoga class from 7-9, and then all day free to roam, soak in the sulfur tubs, hike, play frisbee, soccer, read, nap, write, bond, etc. Our next class was 4-6 where we did about an hour of restorative and then meditated anywhere from 30-50 minutes... silently cross legged. A man named Moose played the hang (an amazing spaceship shaped instrument) for each class of ours, which was amazing. He stared off into the ocean and the beautiful drumming filled the room, in sync with the energy of the class.

I got a lot out of it. I've practiced his style before, Gravity and Grace he calls it, and it's juicy. His architecture background comes through in his teachings with the precision and elegance of his words, but he doesn't mess around. Peter's directions feel like orders, and you don't want to be the one doing them wrong. I understand why he approaches classes in this way, and he does get a more dedicated practitioner, because others don't continue to show up.

The type of student Peter attracts needs description, but no description could really do us all justice. They're open, many which are teachers themselves, inspired, hopeful, dedicated, liberated, body expressionists. There were many afternoons of lying around massaging each other... a lot of love to be shared. Although the sulfur tubs were clothing optional--and I didn't see anyone with clothing on... there wasn't a vibe of sexuality AT ALL. It was more of an open hippy fest (an outsider would call it) where we chanted and sang, watched whales and dolphins play.

Everything is located right on the cliffs in Big Sur, that jagged coastline that's oh so picture perfect, has tubs hanging over the edge, the dance dome where we did our yoga, danced and meditated was 2 feet from the cliff.

My partners in crime:


The food too was exquisite! All local fresh organic produce, an all day/all night bread bar with all the accoutrements. Most of the staff either pays to live there or gets paid very little, so they all have a strong desire to be present... the kitchen was always buzzing with music and dancing.

So now I'm home. But the view from that dome will remain with me...