Napa this weekend for a wedding with The Musician. It seems there's been a shift in the energy of the universe this week... maybe it's just the waning moon, or a shift in the stars, but I was liking last week's energy better.
I sent my graduate school application yesterday and although I'm not the strongest candidate, I'm hopeful. The city job will most likely be 3/4 time next July with 3/4 benefits... which may work if I'm not enrolled in grad school and still doing the same thing. I feel like that's unlikely though. Usually when I get the itch to change, I find the best and quickest way to implement it. Maybe it was my ever-so-nurturing mom who never let me suffer, but I really have trouble putting my head down and working hard when I'm not fulfilled on many levels.
Life is an interesting thing. I feel like we humans dance around each others lives, especially in this town. I saw my old organic chemistry lab partner this morning as I was running and she was biking... both big grins on our faces. This town really forces people to get over resentment and harvested negative emotion. You see, on any given day in SLO, I can run into someone from my favorite eatery, an old boyfriend, an old coworker or two as well as friends or classmates, teachers, fire fighters or bus drivers... the faces start to all become familiar, with the exception of the new students, which are usually at school then at the bars at night. The interactions can be pleasant surprises or not so pleasant surprises. I guess it keeps us all on our toes!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sea of Change
Memorial Day Weekend 08. Five years ago, my friends Sandy and Dave started their relationship at lake Nacimiento while we partied on Dave's boat with thousands of other people around. They're getting married this year in September.
My health has improved ten fold, and I'm back to my loved activities--swimming, biking, yoga, lifting weights, etc. My lung capacity isn't what it was, and I'm still coughing up remnants, but I feel 90% better. Sometimes it takes getting knocked on your butt to appreciate what you have in your life.
On another note, I'm applying for graduate schools. I've realized that if I want to live a decent lifestyle and eventually buy a house, I have to step up my game, and in this town that means my education. Bachelor's degrees are like a dime a dozen in this town. Everyone has one, and I'd say 3% make enough to live comfortably and even invest. Most of the other people here are older folks who've made their money elsewhere, or kids who inherit significant amounts of cash or real estate and stick around.
I'm applying for the intense 10 month MBA program at Cal Poly, starting this Fall. I love what I do now, but I can't struggle anymore; I can't worry about making rent every month, or the missing income if I need a sick day or a vacation. I'm in a position where I consult on the health and well being of up to 350 city employees, a handful of PT clients and 180 yoga students per month, meanwhile, I have to think twice about making ends meet constantly.
I did change my mindset a while ago... and I am abundant, and another degree with solidify that goal.
My health has improved ten fold, and I'm back to my loved activities--swimming, biking, yoga, lifting weights, etc. My lung capacity isn't what it was, and I'm still coughing up remnants, but I feel 90% better. Sometimes it takes getting knocked on your butt to appreciate what you have in your life.
On another note, I'm applying for graduate schools. I've realized that if I want to live a decent lifestyle and eventually buy a house, I have to step up my game, and in this town that means my education. Bachelor's degrees are like a dime a dozen in this town. Everyone has one, and I'd say 3% make enough to live comfortably and even invest. Most of the other people here are older folks who've made their money elsewhere, or kids who inherit significant amounts of cash or real estate and stick around.
I'm applying for the intense 10 month MBA program at Cal Poly, starting this Fall. I love what I do now, but I can't struggle anymore; I can't worry about making rent every month, or the missing income if I need a sick day or a vacation. I'm in a position where I consult on the health and well being of up to 350 city employees, a handful of PT clients and 180 yoga students per month, meanwhile, I have to think twice about making ends meet constantly.
I did change my mindset a while ago... and I am abundant, and another degree with solidify that goal.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Still Sick
Yesterday I felt like I'd beat this thing! Today I'm a train wreck again. My chest is congested, my throat is congested. At least I'm starting to cough it up :O)
If I only got paid for sick days. Gee, what a thought.
If I only got paid for sick days. Gee, what a thought.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Sickling Saturday
I missed teaching in the Yogathon, an event I've been looking forward to for a very long time, and the Wine Festival in Paso Robles. Thursday morning I woke up with a sore throat. My energy level was so low that I skipped my workout and opted just to teach yoga, and even that was a stretch.
Friday morning I seemed OK, ran a few miles and headed off to work, to a much disappointing conversation with my supervisor. At our last meeting, the option of me being a permanent employee (with benefits and all) seemed certain. Yesterday, she was trying to figure out what would suffice short of that. I told her nothing would suffice, really. If I hadn't landed a full time gig by next fall, I was destined for graduate school, period.
After that conversation, ironically or not, I started sneezing, coughing, snot running. Uncertain if I was sick or had allergies (like most folks around here) I prayed it was illness, because that would have a definitive end.
I had a massage, went for a swim, picked up a very petite, freshly shaven Taylor and headed home. It continued to worsen, so The Musician fed me some medicine and dinner and put me to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night to a restless Musician and dog and needed more medicine and a shower to get more sleep. I couldn't breathe out of my nose, couldn't stop coughing, had a head ache, body aches and a slight fever.
I didn't get out of bed for the majority of yesterday, making me feel a bit sluggish! My night ended with more medicine, a live private music performance and falling asleep in the living room chair. I was kindly tucked in and blink... I woke up this morning, feeling more like 75% rather than 10%.
Today I was domestic, laundry, ironing clothes and napkins (surprises even myself!), chores, plants, etc... the ironing was done just in my skivvies due to the temperature today, and my neighbors (2 girls) walked by my back door and giggled. Was it me, or what was written on the back of my chonies?
Anywho, I'm feeling better, but lacking exercise. With the pool closed and the temperatures high, I'm contemplating my plan of action. Maybe I'll change the tire on my road bike and go for a cruise? Or maybe take little yellow dog out for a cruise instead... at least now I can breathe out of my nose!
Friday morning I seemed OK, ran a few miles and headed off to work, to a much disappointing conversation with my supervisor. At our last meeting, the option of me being a permanent employee (with benefits and all) seemed certain. Yesterday, she was trying to figure out what would suffice short of that. I told her nothing would suffice, really. If I hadn't landed a full time gig by next fall, I was destined for graduate school, period.
After that conversation, ironically or not, I started sneezing, coughing, snot running. Uncertain if I was sick or had allergies (like most folks around here) I prayed it was illness, because that would have a definitive end.
I had a massage, went for a swim, picked up a very petite, freshly shaven Taylor and headed home. It continued to worsen, so The Musician fed me some medicine and dinner and put me to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night to a restless Musician and dog and needed more medicine and a shower to get more sleep. I couldn't breathe out of my nose, couldn't stop coughing, had a head ache, body aches and a slight fever.
I didn't get out of bed for the majority of yesterday, making me feel a bit sluggish! My night ended with more medicine, a live private music performance and falling asleep in the living room chair. I was kindly tucked in and blink... I woke up this morning, feeling more like 75% rather than 10%.
Today I was domestic, laundry, ironing clothes and napkins (surprises even myself!), chores, plants, etc... the ironing was done just in my skivvies due to the temperature today, and my neighbors (2 girls) walked by my back door and giggled. Was it me, or what was written on the back of my chonies?
Anywho, I'm feeling better, but lacking exercise. With the pool closed and the temperatures high, I'm contemplating my plan of action. Maybe I'll change the tire on my road bike and go for a cruise? Or maybe take little yellow dog out for a cruise instead... at least now I can breathe out of my nose!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Yellow Throne
I decided a while ago to paint my bathroom.
After my swim yesterday I decided to make it happen. I didn't want to go to the store, or spend money, so I went to the garage where I found some old living room paint and a 2 1/2 inch brush. At almost midnight, mission accomplished!
I blasted music and found some yen time covering way too much space with way too small a brush... well I guess that would depend on who you asked. I pretended I was a mural painter.
Voila! Pink bathroom by day, yellow bathroom by night!
After my swim yesterday I decided to make it happen. I didn't want to go to the store, or spend money, so I went to the garage where I found some old living room paint and a 2 1/2 inch brush. At almost midnight, mission accomplished!
I blasted music and found some yen time covering way too much space with way too small a brush... well I guess that would depend on who you asked. I pretended I was a mural painter.
Voila! Pink bathroom by day, yellow bathroom by night!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Rinse & Repeat
When I was hiking with the puppy and Hana a few days ago, he got pretty spooked by the cow herd we were walking through. Against his will, I tried to force him to walk, but he was too paralyzed by fear. So, I picked him up and carried him. This is Katie's 45 lb chocolate lab puppy, Dexter. I took note of his actions after our pack passed their herd. His hair was standing up straight, clearly a reaction from his surroundings, and then he shook it all off from head to tail... and afterwards was just fine.
I just went for my first distance swim in probably 8 months. I've been wearing myself out and then going to swim just to stretch out, but today swimming was my sport. I did the Sandra D. workout consisting of 200 pull, 200 kick, 200 swim, rinse, repeat. I went through just about 3 times, rounding out my workout at 1700 meters, just over a mile. It felt great; such a high... I was finally free.
I've somehow created body-image-based social swimming anxiety, BIBSSA we'll call it. I just made that up, but I've decided to ditch it... and also have shaken off my encounter yesterday. It's all for the best; we are both in better places now. I came to one other realization while swimming, well a couple more:
1. rinsed off Mr. Bar and Andy's PDAs
2. set new intentions for a vegetable based and dairy free diet, and will start juicing again
3. to look at things more positively than negatively, focus on optimism, keep a smile on my face!
4. to swim for exercise, regardless of how I feel I look
5. to be prosperous!
I've been thinking lately of the perceptions of my father, not Larry, but my biological father. His attitude was always half empty, he's always trying to do something, never really achieving... and I fear that my perceptions are similar. I say was because I don't know him anymore, and he doesn't know me. I feel sometimes I put so much positivity out in the universe for work, when I get home, The Musician and Tay get the decompressing version of me.
I love The Musician... with my entire being; he's an amazing man. I hope my neurotic processing doesn't scare him away... but I think his processing isn't unlike my own.
I just went for my first distance swim in probably 8 months. I've been wearing myself out and then going to swim just to stretch out, but today swimming was my sport. I did the Sandra D. workout consisting of 200 pull, 200 kick, 200 swim, rinse, repeat. I went through just about 3 times, rounding out my workout at 1700 meters, just over a mile. It felt great; such a high... I was finally free.
I've somehow created body-image-based social swimming anxiety, BIBSSA we'll call it. I just made that up, but I've decided to ditch it... and also have shaken off my encounter yesterday. It's all for the best; we are both in better places now. I came to one other realization while swimming, well a couple more:
1. rinsed off Mr. Bar and Andy's PDAs
2. set new intentions for a vegetable based and dairy free diet, and will start juicing again
3. to look at things more positively than negatively, focus on optimism, keep a smile on my face!
4. to swim for exercise, regardless of how I feel I look
5. to be prosperous!
I've been thinking lately of the perceptions of my father, not Larry, but my biological father. His attitude was always half empty, he's always trying to do something, never really achieving... and I fear that my perceptions are similar. I say was because I don't know him anymore, and he doesn't know me. I feel sometimes I put so much positivity out in the universe for work, when I get home, The Musician and Tay get the decompressing version of me.
I love The Musician... with my entire being; he's an amazing man. I hope my neurotic processing doesn't scare him away... but I think his processing isn't unlike my own.
Eggs over Surprise
This week hasn't been a balanced one--in fact I found myself on the verge of tears a handful of times. On the contrary, there were also some really good parts of my week; reconnecting with friends, good workouts.
The Bartender left for a river trip yesterday for 3 weeks. We talked on the phone a few days ago, when he suggested we get together for dinner or lunch. This week's lunch and dinner slots were already filled, so I asked if he could do Friday morning breakfast. He said he was leaving too early in the morning, so I told him I'd call him back if I found some time. I was bummed as I was craving Big Sky breakfast--and even contemplated going alone.
So I never called back, as I didn't have the open time. I was walking downtown for an appointment yesterday (Friday) when who do I see walking towards me? The Bartender and Andy--the new girlfriend. It's not a big deal, but it stung. They were going to my spot, to Big Sky, where I used to work and him. They couldn't help but to make PDAs right in front of me, and all she managed to do was to giggle. All of which I could have lived without, thanks very much.
Some of our mutual friends have described (in detail) what they dislike about her and that somehow makes me feel better, but the image in my head of walking into his room to a half naked Andy and The Bartender will never disappear. They did look happy yesterday--and that makes me happy. I'm glad I wasn't drinking when I met her or I may have heckled her a bit.
I tried to let it go, I still am working hard at it, and it's easier for the fact that I adore The Musician and I'm very happy with him, and also for the fact that I don't want to be with The Bartender... but that being the culmination to my week--I'm fragile, still digesting.
I'm almost certain I will go back to school. I may even see if I can get into the Fall program, but then financial aide wouldn't kick in. I'm sick of having too many commitments, too many hats. I feel ungrounded and uncentered, and for a yoga teacher, that doesn't fit. I can't help others unless I myself am together. I sometimes feel like it's a show, I pretend I'm all these things, some of which I start to believe.
It's time to create another big dream and make it happen.
Just breathe; you don't want him anyway.
The lesson is: sometimes you can never prepare yourself for old lesions to be prodded at again.
The Bartender left for a river trip yesterday for 3 weeks. We talked on the phone a few days ago, when he suggested we get together for dinner or lunch. This week's lunch and dinner slots were already filled, so I asked if he could do Friday morning breakfast. He said he was leaving too early in the morning, so I told him I'd call him back if I found some time. I was bummed as I was craving Big Sky breakfast--and even contemplated going alone.
So I never called back, as I didn't have the open time. I was walking downtown for an appointment yesterday (Friday) when who do I see walking towards me? The Bartender and Andy--the new girlfriend. It's not a big deal, but it stung. They were going to my spot, to Big Sky, where I used to work and him. They couldn't help but to make PDAs right in front of me, and all she managed to do was to giggle. All of which I could have lived without, thanks very much.
Some of our mutual friends have described (in detail) what they dislike about her and that somehow makes me feel better, but the image in my head of walking into his room to a half naked Andy and The Bartender will never disappear. They did look happy yesterday--and that makes me happy. I'm glad I wasn't drinking when I met her or I may have heckled her a bit.
I tried to let it go, I still am working hard at it, and it's easier for the fact that I adore The Musician and I'm very happy with him, and also for the fact that I don't want to be with The Bartender... but that being the culmination to my week--I'm fragile, still digesting.
I'm almost certain I will go back to school. I may even see if I can get into the Fall program, but then financial aide wouldn't kick in. I'm sick of having too many commitments, too many hats. I feel ungrounded and uncentered, and for a yoga teacher, that doesn't fit. I can't help others unless I myself am together. I sometimes feel like it's a show, I pretend I'm all these things, some of which I start to believe.
It's time to create another big dream and make it happen.
Just breathe; you don't want him anyway.
The lesson is: sometimes you can never prepare yourself for old lesions to be prodded at again.
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