Mountain of Gold

This morning Tay and I took a nice run in the neighborhood. We ran a few miles on the street until we hit the base of Madonna mountain. We ran across the mountain and around until we hit the road again. Just a little detour, but oh so beautiful!

The entire mountain is no longer green but gold. I think I was away during this year's one week of green... but the gold is ever so gorgeous, especially in the soft morning light. It felt like our little secret this morning, nobody else in sight... just Tay and I.

Yesterday a few different opportunities landed in my lap. Maybe not for today, but two very enticing seeds were planted. The opportunity to run the fitness component of weekend retreats at one of our local resorts, and the chance to run my own yoga/wellness facility. Now both these are down the road, but I'm entirely flattered that these two individuals with their respective projects in mind want ME to run their show!!!

I'm starting to think I can make what I want in SLO. At least the opportunity that seemed once to be non-existant, seems to be seeking me out. Happy freaking day!

Quiet Elephant, You'll Spoil the Peace!

It's Monday, Memorial Day. I've come quite accustomed to my morning ruminations (as mom calls them). For years I lost my mornings, that extra few hours of sleep, and finally I have them back. I get up around 7am, let Tay out to fetch the paper, feed him and myself, drink my tea and read the paper. So simple, but it makes all the difference in my world. Also routine is checking the internet and paper 10 times a day for housing. Still no luck.

Since vacation, taking time in the morning really has changed my entire life. I do more yoga, feel less stressed, look more put together at work... I'm no longer playing catch up all day. All this I will remember if taking on a new role or position.

The weekend has been pretty mellow for me, Ray had to work every night for the last 5 nights, meaning I have evening ruminations as well. One of Ray's friends usually appears so I have some company, but even alone I enjoy the time. I love living in SLO. It's such a gem of a town, only lacking one thing--diversity.

Having conflicting schedules isn't so good for Ray and I, but we're making the best of it. I'm asleep when he comes home in the middle of the night and he's asleep when I'm getting up in the morning. It works well for Tay though, and that's all that really matters. Tay has Ray or I all day and night, every day and night. Not to mention all our company, plus Katie, Vic, and Mattie, who constantly give him attention. Spoiled dog. He's doing much better, but still not 100%. When Tay was sick, my world was not OK. I don't think I'm going to cope well to his aging.

Well, it's off to work. My client load is so light... I only kept my absolute favorites which means my days go pretty smoothly now :O) The only thing making me nervous is that my world could change in an instant... it's like the big elephant in the room... and I have no idea what I want in all of it.

In a Split Second

Quite an interesting day for me today. Relationships can begin as fast as they can end.

The beginning of a new friendship--in Amanda, Joe's most recent ex. I was suprised how much we had to talk about and how we could instantly just jump in and become friends. There's something to be said about supporting a fellow girl whose shoes look very much like my own at one point in time. She's marathon training, and I bet we'll have a lot to talk about running together.

On the flip side...

It seems my relationship with my father is on the rocks to say the least. Appparently Christa and I are immature for not sending generic hallmark cards for mother's day and birthdays. We've emailed back and forth now for a few days, and the further it all goes, the more I just want to dissociate. It's not like it's every year we don't send anything. We've been pretty good about it since we've grown up, but this year is unique in the chaos we both have in our lives.

Chaos and transition. There are so many scars, so much pain, so many failed expectations between the three of us. Maybe it's just too hard. Maybe there will always be too much judgement about why he left and how we've not become who he's wanted us to be. But, I have no complaints about who I am and what I've accomplished thus far in life.

It's just interesting how quickly life moves. Relationships are ended as fast as they're begun.

I do wish to someday reconcile with my father, but it's almost too easy to just let it go and appreciate Larry that much more. I am so thankful to have Larry in my life, it makes this situation less heavy because I know Larry is unconditional. He supports me no matter what and lives his life every day with love, trust, and integrity. Lucky him; lucky me.

Oh to get back to that wave...

Well, I'm back. Back to work, back to reality.

It's been a few weeks since I've written, mostly because I've been swept away in work and things. Wildflower Triathlon was the weekend Ray and I got home. We had so much fun with the family... Christa, Mom, Larry, Kurt, Ray, Chelsea, Lilly, Bennett and of course Taylor. Some of our friends from SLO also competed. It was a great festival weekend. The race was hot and hilly, just as I'd remembered. It was a lot harder to race completely untrained, but none the less, I finished with an OK time.

I felt great for a few weeks being home... amazingly fabulous until the same work issues presented themselves. I'm still waiting to hear on the new proposal I wrote. We should have known a few weeks ago, but no word yet. Apparently there have been some delays. That part is frustrating for me. I hesitate to commit to too many people at the club because I'm not sure what the future holds for me there. Frustrating. It may be time for me to create my own project. Maybe this weekend I'll work on creating my next job...

I realized I haven't posted any pictures in a while. Let me see if I can find any--I'm on Ray's computer...



Here's one of me dropping into a wave in Waikiki. I love those warm slow rollers. I could surf there all day--in fact, that's all I'd want to do if I lived there.

I had the most stressful day at work today I've had I think ever. The boss man really came down on our department, and most other departments in the building. People are getting laid off, hours cut back, pay reduced... it's mayhem. Being a manager is not fun in these times.

I felt the stress vibrate in my body for the beginning of the day... a few hours went by and I'd seemingly shaken it off, but as I made it home and relaxed, the stress turned into anger which turned into to tears. I was angry that something like this has to happen, angry that we can't afford as a company to pay our employees the cost of living. Such raw frustration.

I really feel like it's time to take the wheel and create what exactly I want. Since being back from vacation I've set better boundaries. I sleep in, train few clients and really take care of myself first. Sleeping in makes all the difference in the freaking world. I am twice as happy.

Well, now I think I'll focus on what's next. Start to create a new vision... anyone have any ideas?