Home Time

I've been gone the past two weekends, and although I had a blast both places, I'm exhausted. I miss the lazy weekend days of cleaning the house and washing Tay.

I worked only about 7 hours today, complete with 2 presentations, then went home to get ready for the gym... but on the way to the gym, I felt so stressed by the errands-the bank, post office, wash the car, grocery store, etc., that I just started knocking them out. I arrived home about an hour later only to spend 2 more hours cleaning house, until I could think straight again.

There's something in me that needs cleanliness and order; if I don't have the structure, I lose it. I become a big anxiety ball and shut down mentally, pathetic, I know.

I'm pretty much in love with my chair massager. I bought it a few years ago, and have only recently really fallen for it. After spending a lot more time sitting than usual, it really helps to have a little shiatsu action!

So, I know my situation right now is sketchy work-wise. I know that it's not perfect, but I'm amazed at the reaction it provokes in others... they all want to help, or at least contribute advise. Everyone has some input for me, and frankly, I'm a little tired of it. In fact, I feel like it clouds my vision. The advise comes from everyone, those in the inner and outer circles, and also mere acquaintances! I AM really flattered that so many individuals have a genuine interest in my well being, but I'm doing just fine! I'm on a path, I'm getting my ducks in a row. Anyway, I think I've vented about this before.

I've set some new goals for myself exercise-wise, which should be fun to fulfill :O)

Happy Girl

The clouds have continued to lift in my world the last week or two. I've tried so hard to change my outlook; to change my perception of my reality, in addition to changing my relationship with money. I have been the first to give it away and the last to receive it; it's no wonder I sometimes struggle.

I've taken the time to reset some goals and boundaries, and I feel fantastic.

I have so much fun teaching yoga... and although my style is a bit, well, unconventional, I know the message is important and well received. I absolutely love Smiling Dog, which has continued to flourish since its January opening.

I've had two workouts so far today and one more to go... weight lifting this morning, running at lunch, and yoga tonight. Maybe I'll swim after yoga... ?

Anyway, it's another beautiful day... hopefully the weather stays.

Beautiful Spring in SLO

What a beautiful weekend!

The last few weeks at the City job have been intense, but after successfully hosting 4 blood draw mornings, testing 42 fire fighters and pinching and weighing 50 people for the Biggest Winner contest, I was very happy at 5:00 PM Friday. A few sunny days to breathe!

On Friday I pinched and weighed in for the contest, along with my fabulous Cal Poly Intern, Nickole. I went over to Kennedy Club to do the calculations, where I also had my body fat records for the last 3 years, every few months. I remember what kind of shape I was in by the test. For instance, after being strict vegan for one month, my % was 17.8, before that it was about 20%. Before my marathon, also having eaten mostly vegan, I got down to 16%, which is pretty low... anything under 18% is considered underweight, but I know, I am by no means under weight. We used different calipers this time, but the results were astounding. Everyone's % came out way high, including my 28%! Now, knowing I'm only 5 lbs above my marathon weight, it can't be entirely accurate, but motivation enough to clean up my act.

I'll be hosting meetings for contestants, but for me, here's my plan... mostly vegan again, maybe some fish. No meat, no dairy, no white or processed flours, no sugars... now I say NO, but that really means very infrequently. Running about 3-6 days per week, bike riding at least to yoga 3 days per week, lifting 2 times per week and maybe an occasional swim, and of course the 5 yoga classes I teach per week. I already bumped up the exercise and cleaned up the plate... starting with Raw Foods Night at pH Blue in Atascadero. A few of my friends/yoga students/hooping teachers live in this amazingly hippy house in A town, and their Raw nights are filled with love and openness, and of course good raw food! I drove up with Peter(our Esalen teacher), Tawny and Athena... who are just preparing for their Europe adventure for Peter's yoga teaching. Both he and Tawny are amazing instructors and human beings... Athena, born 2 days before and many years after me, is a beautiful goddess angel at 6 months old, with her momma's beautiful red hair :O)

Saturday I hiked around Madonna Mountain, took some good yoga, caught up with friends, then went to see Sam play at Level 4 in Paso with Betsy. The acoustics were a little funky, but they rocked the show as always. Sam just smiled at me while he watched several men approach me and me playing social judo to kindly explain I was committed.



Today is Sunday, I taught this morning, then cleaned, did the wash and headed to Sam's where we played soccer in the elementary school by his house. He claims to have not played since junior high, but he was pulling off some crazy moves! He's an ultra athlete... can hit huge bombs in baseball/softball, golfs exceptionally well, swims like crazy, runs, lifts light weight, plays basketball, football, I'm sure the list goes on... we had a blast... and it was so hot outside! Sam would throw Tay a few balls and Tay would then retire to the shade and smile at us.

On Friday I took a chai break with my department head who had amazing and very optimistic things to say about me and my employment opportunities at the City. It's looking good... I will continue to work my behind off indefinitely but I am again hopeful, and having Nickole working on my project with me is amazing.

All and all, life is good. I have a beautiful home, a beautiful man, a beautiful dog, a beautiful family (I don't see enough!) and a beautiful Spring :O)

Clear the Crap

It's funny to me how cleaning my life compares to cleaning a 50 meter pool. First you drain it, getting rid of all the obvious crap and impurities, and a suction is created by the drainage, using momentum to carry some less than obvious shit away in the chaos, but once the pool is drained the majority of the way, further work needs to be done. We must sweep and scrape and coax the dirt to leave... as stubborn as it may be.



And yet still a bit of water remains, and the more we sweep, the more the crap keeps coming to the surface...



We can coax and trick and tempt, but in the end, maybe we just come to terms with the last bit of remaining sediment and carry on?

Buddha Buddha

Time for this Buddha to get unstuck.

Last night I spent a few cloudy hours digging up my cobwebs and repositioning myself, my life, my furniture, my things... all to new homes.

I've just begun reading If the Buddha got Stuck, and within the first few pages, it was apparent why both a friend and my mom recommended the read within the time span of about a week.

I've been stuck in dissonance. The place before change, when you know change is coming but you pull the old deer in the headlights gig until further notice. I'm done with that... I'm over it. I'm done with the struggle. I need no one to save me, no one to tell me what their way leads to, what I'm doing wrong or right. I'm done. The dissonance creates anxiety, the anxiety creates compulsive, stressed out craziness. Yuck.

It's time for me to nest in my home, in my beautiful sanctuary, without the paralyzing buzz of the television, but always the good smells of herbs, sage, good cookin' and golden retriever. My house. My struggle has been partially due to this high rent piece of yellow and purple pie I live in, and if I'm too stressed to enjoy it, what the crap?

So here are my new intentions:

1. Fix what's broken, move the shit forward, keep it all wheeling.

2. To not dwell on a situation, any situation. Detachment. The over attachment to things, particularly pleasurable is one of yoga's Kleshas, the things we use the Eight Limbs to rid ourselves of. Excess attachment; raga.

3. To live each day and play each day like there was no way I'd rather be living life... as if all my needs are 100% being met, by myself first and foremost.

4. To not personalize the actions of others. I know that what other people think of me is none of my business.

5. To truly and uninhibitedly be me, at all times.

At yoga class on Thursday, I was a little more of a 'loony toon' than usual. I was having such a joyful, blissful time in class, that the way I chose to end class was to create a circle of laughter. You got it, for a few minutes, we just laughed. Pretty powerful stuff, joy.

Perhaps it's the Aries energy putting a little strength in my stride? On that note, I'm off for a 13 mile run/walk to clear this cloudy dome.