Blank Canvas

It's nearly the end of July and more transitions on the horizon. I finally move in to my new downtown 1 bedroom. YAY!! I am really really really excited but very nervous about money. A few months ago, when I was working 12 hour days consistently, I had enough money for a new car, travels, etc. Now that I'm working a normal 8-9 hour day, I don't have so much money, and the combo of a new stunning rent payment... well, it's making me quite nervous.

SO, I'm going to... deep breath... try living without a car for a while, granted I can sell it. I bought it just 7 months ago, and LOVE it, but can't afford it and rent, and to stay at my current place of employment. So, I've posted it online, and hopefully someone will want it. I need to call the bank again and make sure I know the SOP. If I do this, I can get really close to paying off my student loans (hopefully) and just maybe get closer to $0.

I'm trying to get creative with what I want to do now. I'm feeling that there may be a big career shift for me, although I'm not quite sure what I want to invest my time into, besides yoga. The activities that make me the happiest are yoga, writing, and running. It will be many many moons before someone wants to pay me enough to live off of from just yoga... writing, well I don't think you'd call my writing technical, and running, well I'm no gazelle.

OK, so in the yoga community, I'm looking into some of the local opportunities but also the national companies who may want me to work remotely. That'd be sweet.

The wine industry... being a food critic... hairdresser, bartender, hmmmm... I just don't know. I will figure it out. I will say I'm good at what I do now, but it's sure taxing.

Change is the theme of the summer, and it's not bad.

My career, and even my life is a blank canvas right now. Man I'm gonna miss that car.

The Good Bad and Ugly

I started teaching yoga at Tridosha last week, and I've LOVED it so far. I received a warm welcome my first class with 7 people. Being a small room, I think the maximum is probably about 20, but the largest I've seen is about 10. I was stoked. I'm hoping I will continue to grow as an instructor and this can be my modality instead of personal training. I'm tired. I'm tired of pushing people past their physical limits only to be tired, not to also have peace of mind and open energetic pathways.

My second class had 3 people... which was also fun, but my Monday morning 7AM class, not surprisingly had NOT ONE person but me. So I practiced by myself and it was glorious. Absolutely glorious.

Being in the yoga studio makes me dread going to work, to the shaking office where there's always someone demanding your attention. I love the peace and quiet and meditative state of mind. I don't feel overstimulated in that environment, I feel GOOD and STABLE and SANE. Getting into that state of mind makes you not even need to over eat or over indulge.

I'm trying really hard not to be frustrated, but the reality is that I may need to move away from SLO. I know I can make a good life for myself here--but I'm stumbling quite a bit. There's no job market here, even for those with as many connections as I have. I will create it, I will find my next job, but my oh my am I frustrated with my situation.

I am considering selling my car and riding a bike everywhere, and in theory it sounds fine since I'll be living in SLO and working in SLO, but I know not being able to get to the beach with Tay or home to my parents would be dreadful.

Deep breaths. Deep, rich, beautiful breaths.

Life is Good

It seems I've only been writing lately when there's something to get off my mind--leading readers to think that I'm stressed, troubled, and struggling.

For the record, LIFE IS GOOD! All is well, just busily trucking along in my SLO life.

Don't worry, be happy!

Deep Breath...

It's been too long since I've written. I know this because my mind starts to spin circles without an outlet.

I've never been in a state of change for this long. Since December I've been without my own home--and I've got one month to go. I had some amazing travels, I was able to buy my new used car, and I've really had a good time living with Ray... but I'm VERY ready for my own sanctuary again.

I decided to actively look for a new job. For the amount of work I put in, I need to be making more than I am... but it's not only that. I've done more for that company than most--and they can't afford me anymore. In fact, they can't afford anyone anymore. The company takes such a large percentage that not one of our trainers makes decent pay... I guess that's part of the business, but it breaks my heart to cut the paychecks each month and know that NOBODY in at least my department except 4 people make even enough to live off of. And I'm not praised by upper management for my work. I need to be empowered, not oppressed.

So, I started interviewing, and I've had a few projects present themselves that seem pretty cool. I basically need to create my own position, but have been given the free reign to do so with a few companies. I also am teaching 3 yoga classes per week starting next week at Tridosha, meaning I will probably stop teaching at Kennedy soon thereafter.

Emotionally I'm not OK. There is too much transition, too many uncertainties... I'm sick and tired of fighting for what I deserve at work. It's such a hard job market in SLO. I have found a few entry level positions that pay more than I make, but the question is: what will make me happy?? Even the butcher at New Frontiers makes more than me, has full benefits and a 401k. Good for him!

I'm trying to do OK. I'm trying, but I feel like my strength is being tested over and over again.

Thank the heavens Pinecrest is a month away! And soon I will have my own little bungalow. Ahhhhh...

San Diego this weekend for the IDEA convention... a few days away with like minded professionals to get my head on straight.